The Van DOWN BY THE RIVER!

Thanks A Lot, bin Laden

2010-05-03T09:57:00.002-05:00

94warriors.com has been discontinued involuntarily due to a slight monetary discrepency (again.) But there will be tasty treats coming up soon. I promise.

Jon R.

Temporary Return

2010-02-19T14:20:00.001-06:00

021910
0935 Hours

With the urge to retire from online activity for the remainder of the decade constantly being fueled by the shallow offerings of the mainstream media and most people who are killing social networking sites, I offer possibly the last nugget of the inside world of the awkwardly handsome, heavy-set, five-foot-six-inch tower of a man (figuratively of course) that roams free somehow in the sadlands of the Red Lake Nation. But if I read about another “relevant” reality star looking tragically skinny and looking for cocaine, I will pull a J.D. Salinger and never come out again! You feel me?

Though I haven’t dominated the universe like I thought I would’ve when I was 13, hopefully I’ve spawned a few ideas that have inspired at least seven souls. I mean, it’s the least I could do to thank the Great Spirit for blessing me with below-average looks and a body to be admired by zero. But being that I just turned three-four, I really should consider getting it out of second gear.

The recent offering from websites, TV, movies, books has me considering a different avenue for my daily input of knowledge. Right now, I’ll only read a column from Bill Simmons, a blog by Whitney Matheson, Twitter feeds from Dalton Walker, Tashina Banks, John Mayer, read a semi-dailyUSA Today and that’s about it. Facebook is slowly turning in to a farming community where you can only “likes this (thumbs up)” but can’t “hates this (middle fingers up)” and I haven’t signed in on MySpace regularly in months because some people should lose their Photoshop privileges immediately.

And TMZ can suck it! I tried watching their show where everyone has to impress the boss and not mention his thinning, dyed hair and soccer mom yoga cup. I sat there waiting for breaking news and ended up saying, “That’s it? Krah!” after a clip.

As for Perez Hilton, I’ve pretty much ignored him from the mother-effen giddy-up! If you ignore someone long enough, they cease to exist in your mind. I suggest everyone join me in this one. Or have the BEP manager slap him every day. Now that was some news! Also, I noticed Mr. Hilton on The Sopranos in maybe the second or third season so his cool/relevant status just went up a few points in my book to negative 597, which still leaves him at the bottom of the cool/relevant barrel. Of course the Jon R. cool/ relevant barrel goes like the hurt/pain scale; 1 is uncool/irrelevant such as Spencer Pratt, and 10 is the coolest/most relevant like Jack Nicholson. (I rate as a 1.33 on the scale somehow.)

With all of that being said, I feel slightly cleansed. Kind of like a shower after a hard night of shenanigans, ballyhoo and tomfoolery.

Riding these roads, or as the city folk call them, “streets” of Red Lake, I notice a lot of impurities of the fine people of this great nation. Some corrupted by certain colors, some by addiction, most by ignorance. These are the scenes of the “Rez”, man. These scenes make me appreciate the little things, the small incidents I can control. I’d rather come home to squabbling kids that don’t want to go to bed early on a school night than be draped in certain colors while addicted to something and not realizing it. Why wouldn’t everyone want to have such small problems like mine? But what can you do, you know? One has to wonder if it will continue this way. I’m thinking there are quite a few that want to change the ways of Red Lake. I know there are. I see them everywhere, man. It will happen.

Ho wah! The urge to retire has somewhat subsided… for now.

May Or May Not Return

2010-02-18T18:34:00.002-06:00

It's been so long. I may never come back to the online world... unless at least 2 people beg me. I don't even care who you are. Until then, enjoy the past posts from as far back as December 2004, twitter.com/94warriors, 94warriors.com, facebook.com/94warriors or myspace.com/94warriorsstudios.

Jon R.

Return to Blogger

2009-08-25T23:05:00.001-05:00

Yeah, I've been away because I fogot my password. otherwise I'm on www.twitter.com/94warriors, www.94warriors.com, www.myspace.com/94warriorsstudios. Um, yeah.

Fuckin' YouTube

2009-02-23T09:08:00.000-06:00

021209
1005 Hours

Today is the day that no one shall go unentertained (apparently that's not a word)! I return to you, good people of MySpace and Blogger for the sole purpose of sharing life experiences that will hopefully lead you all to the succulent fruits of being awesome (as in the powerful, 'New Jack' words of Jodeci) "Every freakin' day, every freakin' night."

I hope you'll all excuse my long "sabbatical." The past few months have been a blur with Christmas (where I checked my usual 'Scrooge' attitude at the door), work, travels (Vikings playoff game) and an unusually long bout of laziness I couldn't shake. It was like a bad case of head lice. But now I'm back.

On with the thoughts!

One recent thought has to do with my son's fascination with wrestling. He calls his Val Venis guy "Hello Ladies," his Finlay "Alex" because he looks like my nephew Alex, his John Cena, well... John Cena. But I am most proud because he acknowledges the past and adores his "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes guy by calling him Dusty Rhodes. I bring this up because I have been watching a little WWE lately and have been bored to death with these new "Superstars." They have the personality of a 2X4 and all look like male strippers (I'm assuming that's what male strippers look like!) Randy Orton is the worst of them all. He stands there and glares. That's it! And he has two guys on each side of him who looked like they were fake cops who just took their uniforms off and ready to start dancing to the Village People. So my mission is to show Jaxson what "wrasslin'" was all about, man; where robust gentlemen like Dusty Rhodes, 'Playboy' Buddy Rose and Adrian Adonis, who without shirts, muscles, tans or baby oil were known as gods to the everyday fan. Woo! And how come nobody brings up 'Cowboy' Bob 'Ace' Orton's style of the fringe, leather vest and cowboy hat to the 'Legend Killer?' Wouldn't that be like the Yo' Mamma joke for wrestlers? Just asking.

Yet another, off topic though: For some reason, I believe some of our Tribal Council members are in need of a makeover ASAP. At least take a page out of the chairman's book anyway, who is very stylish and dresses the part of Leader of the Free Nation. Let's lose the sleeveless T-shirts when we're speaking to oil executives, shall we?

But for now, fuckin' YouTube derailed an awesome blog. Be on the look out for more awesome with me having the next few days off from work. FUCKIN' YOUTUBE!!! Let's change the name of it to Fuckin' YouTube.

Spicolli Rules!

2009-02-23T09:02:00.000-06:00

022209
2326 Hours

Krah! I thought Mickey Rourke had that Oscar wrapped up. But, after getting a good look at the other nominees, any one of those guys deserved it as much as the other. Cool buzz and some tasty waves for Spicolli tonight!

The Heath Ledger win had me feeling something you humans call emotions this evening. How awesome was that?!

With all of the Oscaring it up now gone, it makes me want to win one. Not just be nominated but to win a motherfucker, you know?! Since my dream of being the National League MVP for the World Champion Chicago Cubs evaporated after a few Corey Graves fastballs that could only be heard and not seen, I will have to resort to the next greatest achievement, which is Oscar glory! Now I know that On the Road Battle River Style is not a prime example of Scorcese-esque filmmaking, but you have to start somewhere.

Doesn't Jerry Lewis make you want to do something with your life? He's helped kids with MS for over 50 years. Kind of makes my donating $2 to his kids at Sta-Mart look like... well, two bucks.

Now, I haven't seen Slumdog Millionaire yet, and it's sounds like an excellent movie (Best Picture), but the American people can cheer a poverty-stricken nation like it's nothing they have never seen before when they have 304 such nations in their own backyard?! Um, I don't know where I was going with that. I don't even know what it means. I just thought I'd throw that out there.

But enough about all of that. I saw Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail today and thought, "Shhhhhhit... I could do that! (make a movie about comedy, love, drama and minorities) I think Tyler Perry is one of my idols even though he takes steroids (allegedly).

One On One With God

2008-02-11T23:02:00.000-06:00

021108
2107 Hours

God (in the year 2078)
"And you, Mr. Roberts, what did you do with your first 31 years of life?"

Jon R. (just through those pearly gates after saying "what's up" to Elvis)
Holy fuck! What didn't I do?! First I got borned...

God
Borned? What an idiot. Just tell me without trying to sound smart.

Jon R.
Well you sent me to a single mother on the south side of Minneapolis... I want to thank you for that BTW... my dad wasn't allowed to hangout with me 'cause muh grammuh wasn't too found of the feller I was 'sposed to call daddy. So it was just me and my ma for the first few years o'life. While growing up in the Projects, I learned a few things about life in the city...

God (interrupting Jon)
Ok, ok, ok... I think you've spelled that out to the whole world in your stupid blogs over the years. Start with your teen years. What did you do and what did you learn?

Jon R.
Oh man, those were the days, man. I remember we and my friends would all try and get enough money for a liter of Southern Comfort during the high school years. We'd get drunk and do all kinds of stupid things. We'd race on the highway, stay out all night, snake out or puke on each other. At the time it was fun. No hangovers at all. I also heard a smart man once say about being young that "You just gotta keep on livin' man... L-I-V-I-N." So that's what me and the bro's did, just kept on L-I-V-I-N.

God
So you took life lessons from a character in a stoner movie that was a possible predator? Real smart. That's why it took you so long to grow up, idiot.

Jon R.
Hey man, just 'cause you run this whole Heaven place doesn't mean to get to call me an idiot!

God
I'm calling you an idiot because you were an idiot, idiot.

Jon R. (crossing his arms, turning away and looking up with his eyes closed)
Hmmph.

God
Please, continue or else you won't get to hang out with Farley.

Jon R.
Well, senior year was what I'd been waiting for since I could remember. 1994 was the best year ever, personally, other than 2008 when the Cubs won the World Series. I couldn't wait to get outta school and just party all the time... like Eddie Murphy. I was gonna get a job after I graduated, get my own place with the bros and just party! Isn't that what life is about, man?

God
Uh, no.

Jon R.
Well, that's all I thought about, man. You put a brotha on a Rez, what else do think he's gonna think about? That's all that I saw around Red Lake. Everybody was drinking or smoking weed. Everybody. Even people you would never imagine. It seemed like every time I went to a party, I would always say "I didn't know his/her old ass smoked weed."

God
You drank a lot, and I mean a lot... why didn't you smoke?

Jon R.
I have no idea. I guess it was just seeing the way some people coughed so hard, nodding their heads after taking a vicious "toke" and them considering that a GOOD THING didn't seem like something I would enjoy. Besides, I barely had enough money to drink.

God
Poverty SAVED someone from drugs. I do believe that is a first.

Jon (looking away, covering his mouth and whispering)
Asshole.

God
So take me through the last few months of high school and up to the rest of your adult life. And I heard that. Asshole.

Jon
Oh man. Where do I start?

God
High school, perhaps.

Jon R.
Oh yeah. Well, the parties, man, were awesome. I think the fact that I didn't get hangovers increased the potential to blank out. That's not a scientific theory, just something I learned. But anyhoo, I drank and drank 'cause it was senior year. Party after party. Every now and then someone would snake out on someone or lay out at the most unfortunate time and get his ass left, which was quite common. Apparently, Native Americans are prone to act different when they're hopped up on the fire water. Yet another lesson learned. There were times I could barely stand myself up, so I'm told. It was all in the name of good fun, right? Am I right? High five! (no takers for the high five proposal, just a frown of disgust.)

God
And that didn't teach you anything?

Jon
Hell no! Oops. Can I say that to you?

God
You shouldn't.

Jon R.
Sorry, bro.

God
You shouldn't call me bro either. Your people like to refer to me as "The Creator." Didn't you pay attention to Donnie Applebee when he told you those stories in elementary?

Jon R.
Not really.

God
I guess people really do need directions on life. Idiots.

Jon R.
But anyway, some times parties weren't awesome. There were times when I'd be out, I'd see some familiar faces I hadn't seen in a while. I'd talk with them for a bit, then I'd feel sorry for them.

God
Why?

Jon R.
I don't know. When I was younger, I looked up to most of them and it looked like they weren't taking over the world like it looked like they were supposed to. At the time I never thought that that's how I was gonna end up. My initial plan was to get off the Rez, get my own place, go to college, party, and get a kick ass job so I could party all the time, like Eddie Murphy, and spend my millions on expensive toys. I wasn't going to end up like them. Times were different, I told myself. I was gonna take the world by storm like Coolio and Luke Perry did, man!

God
And how did that work out... bro?

Jon
I could've used a little tinkering on the plan. I ended up working, not really giving college much of a thought. All I wanted to do was go to work, make it to payday and par-tay!

God
I saw you partied. There were a few times when you almost ended up besides me and you didn't even realize it. You have no idea.

Jon R.
Really?

God
Yup. You hang around the wrong people enough, something will happen.

Jon R.
You're depressing me. Will you allow me to continue?

God
By all means.

Jon R.
Cool. So I had a summer job working for a scholarship, cutting grass, picking up garbage, you know... like community service but they paid me $4.25 an hour. At the time, those were some righteous bucks. Bought me lots of stuff I didn't need. Good times.

After that I started a sweet job dealing blackjack at a casino. I figured I'd do that, save some money and maybe go to college after a year or so. But little did I know that casino employees liked to party. Who woulda thunk it? So I partied more. Same shit, different peeps. I partied my socks off... literally. Word 'round the campfire was I took my socks off every time I layed out. Not as good times. I partied so hard sometimes that I would forget where I parked my navy blue 1985 Monte Carlo with the Kelly Charger tires and chrome rims. I rarely felt that sick before. This is getting a little depressing.

God
You think? Continue with this tale and see how it plays out.

Jon R.
I'd rather not.

God
You mean you don't want to relive those days as a young father that drank too much and put the mother of you children through he--, uh, heck?

Jon R.
Not really.

God
Tough shit. Continue.

94 Warriors at MNF

2007-12-27T15:19:00.000-06:00

Being that it's been months since I've been on Blogger, I shall share my last post from myspace.com/94warriorsstudios. Add a brotha if you will... if I have any readers left. All the info is on my MySpace. Enjoy

122607

1823 Hours

The Battle River DVD has finally been sent for mass production. After months of tinkering, I believe it is ready. Though it was initially thought it would be out 12.4.07, it was just not possible. So it was sent today, should get word by the end of the week and hopefully a few weeks after that it will be ready for public consumption. FINALLY!

Christmas came and went with minimal damage to the wallet. Grandmother spoiled the kids, which was fine by me, and I only had to get the supporting supplies for their new toys. What would this world be like with out Eve B.?

Did you see me on Monday Night Football against Da Bears?! Me, Dust, and Kev went thanks to Kev's ball skills. (The b-ball skills that helped the 94 Warriors return to Crookston and cemented it as the greatest class to ever roam the halls of Red Lake High School! WHAT?!) So I had to sell was what left of my doobies at rock-bottom prices in order to buy the ticket ASAP (Honestly, I had to borrow money from my sister until payday. I figured that sellin' doobs sounded a lot cooler so I could keep my thug life/street cred if in fact I had any to begin with.)

First stop was StaMart where my man, Kev is banned until the end of time, to gas up. After Dust filled up the car, he came out with a burrito and I immediately knew it wasn't going to be a pleasant 240 miles to the Hunter Hearst Helmsley Metrodome. We were off… to Burger King, where I would establish my fatness. While the guys lightly ordered off the dollar menu, I did my thang and ordered a Whopper with cheese/no onions meal to their finger food, thus making me feel super fat. But that's how I roll.

So after getting to the point of feeling like Ralphie's little brother Randy in The Christmas Story after his mom got him bundled up to go to school, like a tick ready to burst due to overindulging on the King's finest frozen patty, guess who got to drive the remainder of the trip? The only 94 Warrior with a license, that's who?! Dang! So much for the USA Today and issues 9, 10, 11, and 12 of Jason Aaron's Scalped. Tales of the Prairie Rose Indian Reservation and Dash Bad Horse will have to wait another day. With Chili Peppers and an occasional AC/DC blasting (and when I say blasting, I mean I was almost ready to panic and "pull this goddam car over!) thru the tiny speakers of Vera KB's Taurus, to the "Cids" we went.

As 71 turned to 64 and 64 into 10, conversations of nothing very important fought hard to pierce thru the 90's hard rock icons reverberating throughout the vehicle en route to MNF. One of those topics was weddings, as in I wondered aloud how many Kev had been a part of. A dozen, I believe was the answer.

"Are you f*****' serious?!" was my reply.

"Yup. Giin dash?" Kev asked back.

"Including my own?"

"Yea."

"One."

I need to make new friends. Seriously. I need to wear a tux at least one more time and hopefully make a Costanza toast.

The usual Royalton stop (at least for me) for a little evacuation comes and goes with us a little male visual entertainment periodical heavier. Tiny Fey interview + Adrienne Curry in the nude = awesome for the intellectual pervs in attendance.

A right to Clear Lake for the left to get on 94 (94 Warriors? Destiny, baby!), and we were minutes closer to MNF.

Pulling into the Cities, it seems like everyone was trying to get off Manhattan because it was going to be quarantined like in "I Am Legend." Traffic was at a stand-still. I'm frightened Auntie Em! It was my first experience in game-time traffic and I was ready to just jump out of the car and walk home, but the promise of "All Day" running over Urlacher and by Hester kept me truckin'.

Finally made it to parking by the Target Center and I begin to think my buds were sippin' on the hooch all the way down here. Not Kevin Alan Kingbird and the DustMob! No way, Jose'!

So after Kev cleans out his stomach lining with puke or 10, but not before leaving some on his shirt for good measure, it was off to yet another of my first-evers: a train ride to the Triple H. Again, I'm starting to feel like Dr. Robert Neville. I don't think I've mentioned that I hate people, so it was super-uncomfortable for the CEO.

The End.

The next part coming when time permits. Who wants more?

World Premiere

2007-11-01T15:42:00.000-05:00

That's right people, this shit is really happening. We have a tentative date of November 25, 2007 and a location, which will be the Red Lake Humanities Center with the time of 7pm also tentative. Being that it's the Eagles vs. Patriots that Sunday night, football shouldn't play a factor with anyone's schedule... well, maybe except for the wagon jumper-on-ers. More detailed, uh details coming soon, so keep your bloomers on.

Jon R.

... And Drink Some Cherry Wine

2007-07-29T15:15:00.000-05:00

072907
1334 Hours

For damn near a quarter-century, I have uttered the words, “This is the year, baby!” religiously. (The “baby” part coming within the past decade or so.) As a devout follower of the “Lovable Losers,” this 1.5 game deficit in late July in the NL Central standings (2 GB in the wildcard) has left me a little capricious. “Why can’t they pull it off?” I ask. WHY THE FUCK NOT?! Me? I don’t deserve it. But there are many more that have been in this boat without oars much longer than I and I will enjoy the ride more than anyone if it were meant to be.

My Grandpa Shorty got me hooked in the summer of ’84 and the soothing (though Budwieser fueled) voice of Harry “Terry” (that’s what he called him), which became a staple in my summer time schedule to this day. Ron Cey, Ryne Sandberg, Jody Davis, Leon Durham, The Sarge, Rick Sutcliffe… those were the days, man!

As Derrek Lee rounds the bases after a 2-run shot to put the Cubs up by four, I think solemnly, “WHY THE FUCK NOT?!” once again. While we’re on the Cubs, I’m going to say that Carlos Zambrano is not only going to win the Cy Young Award, but he’s going to win the NL MVP. Remember it, write it down, take a picture; I don’t give a fuck! I said it! What?!

(While I think of more crap to write, enjoy another sign that musicians are running out of ideas. Were Gym Class Heros sitting around saying, “You know that Jermaine Stewart had some dope beats…”? I think they were... then they drank some cherry wine. Those that are wondering why I know Jermaine Stewart and his videos: Hey man, you had to keep busy when your older sisters brought over ugly friends to watch Friday Night Videos and not be offended by the un-hotness stinking up the house.)

I’m new to the whole comic scene, but how awesome does this look? (What the hell would writers/bloggers do without YouTube?)

With election season around the corner and next year’s Red Lake Tribal Election a few months before that, I am offering my services for tribal candidates to do a commercial for their website once they realize that the internet is not the Devil. Come on, candidates! It’s the 21st century. Last election I believe it was only myself, Chairman “Buck” Jourdain and one of my opponents, Chris Jourdain that took it to the web. When I realized I capitalized on the opportunity to reach many more voters by going the blog route, I knew I was worthy of my “Time Person of the Year” award. And no, true to my word, I’m not going to run again. I and the 23 people who voted for me are still planning on starting a church or something. The Little Rock community had their chance! Hiiiiike!

The Summer That Were... Or Was

2007-07-28T21:38:00.000-05:00

Once again it seems as if we are only getting 3 weeks of summer. There’s about a month left and those weekends are already taken for me with 3 birthdays and my 7th anniversary, which for pretty much the whole summer left little time for my Battle River project. Being that it was an independent project, which meant all the production costs would come from my pocket, there were little funds for such a huge (by my standards anyway) project. I mean, I could’ve done it, but my kids would be in rags with little in the cupboards to eat which probably would’ve left me homeless and pulling my wife’s shoe out of my ass. So, though it’s not what I wanted it to be, the Battle River DVD will be done in a few weeks.

Let’s see… what else is there, besides “Scott Baio is 45… and Single,” and is raping my eyes and ears. Is this what “Entourage” looks like 15 years down the road, two has-beens and a couple of guys that are trying too hard when the camera is on them? Sometimes I am ashamed to be a man. What happened to you, Wayne Arnold, the Michael Jordan of big brothers?

Getting back to Battle River, the few times I was out on the trail with them, I realized “You got my back?” and “Whaaaatch thiiiiis…” is not something you want to hear when you’re out with them when they’re out “mingling.”

I’m thinking of going to barber school. I mean, someone has to put a stop to “The Mullet” and “The Tail.” (I recently gave my nephew a haircut and purposely left him a “Tale” to be the “Uncle of All Uncles” and hateful like the late, great “Joe Rob.” It backfired because my eccentric nephew loved it. So the jokes on me and I now have to polish my uncle skills some more… and now my nephew has a TAIL!)

This is just fuckin’ great! Its bad enough my MySpace friends are deserting me, now I have to deal with this shit?

For those of you that look at my profile and don’t understand where I’m from, you better recognize! Sid and I were born and raised.

Some of you may have noticed a short fat guy huffing and puffing around the Red Lake Independence Day powwow with a camera (a handsome one I might add). Yeah, that was me, struggling to get up those steps and sweating like a pig (though technically, pigs don’t sweat, but an argument could be made after checking out the RL powwow.) I’m still working on the footage, which takes so long because you can’t just throw footage together and expect a decent product. I mean I could, but I like to use that as an excuse for being lazy. So that footage should be out within the next couple of weeks.

Long live Chief Rain in the Pants! Hoka! (My new word from being on the powwow trail… that and “Oh-huh, oh-huh.”

Spoken Like A Tortured Sav

2007-06-16T21:21:00.000-05:00

061607
1832 Hours

Being where we’re from will make it hard to forgive. We grew up thinking that Theodore Cleaver’s dad, Ward, drank, smoked weed or crack or meth all weekend and came home at the end of Sunday afternoon, if at all, and snaked out on June with Wally, the Beav, Lumpy and Eddie Haskell as witnesses but cleaned it all up when the cameras rolled come Monday. We do after all, come from “The Rez.” It’s all we know. It’s rare that any of us remember taking a drive into the country to go out for a picnic or out on a random fishing trip. What is engrained in our memory are beer cans scattered around the house, cigarette butts and ashes fortunately not having enough light to burn the house down and strange people sleeping on the couch. I believe it was Vanilla Ice who once said, “Will it ever stop? Yo, I don’t know…” For most of us it won’t, even when it’s too late. People will go to jail for doing things they shouldn’t have done, faces and relationships will be shattered over stupidity. Being where we’re from will make it hard to forgive.

Of course, none of this happened to me. It never does. I’m sharing what my “friend” goes through. If it were to have happened on this side, I would say it was my friend anyway. So you will never know… or maybe you already do know. This is the life that was left for me. How do I travel through the rest of life when my vehicle has gone through so much damage already? Am I doomed to repeat the mistakes of those that were meant to guide me? Maybe I’m stuck here to have kids at a young age, dress like the “cool kids” and end up with stupid mistakes that will keep me from being the person I want to be. Looking at the generation ahead of me, is that as far as they’ll go in life? Working 40 hours a week, getting drunk and high all weekend and starting over on Monday morning, struggling paycheck-to-paycheck?

My dad goes to a job he hates 5 times a week. He says its why does what he does on the weekends. It helps him cope he says. My mom does the same. Her reason to do her weekend activities is because my dad does it. There is balance in the force after all.

The tension is so thick come Sunday you can cut it with a knife even though they don’t say a word to each other. Somebody did something they shouldn’t have. My money’s on dear old dad.

If this is the life that is carved out for me, where do I take my name off the list?

Of course, none of this has happened to me. I just sat back one day and wondered what might have gone through the minds of my and other children from Red Lake one day. When I was a kid I had unreal dreams of being a professional baseball player or other ridiculous dreams, but they have more realistic dreams than I had. They are a lot smarter than I was growing up. They know what the fuck is going on. You can’t fool kids these days unlike when I was young and believed in the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus a lot longer than I should have.

I know it’s not just my kids who are thinking this way.

This all came from the thought of me being sober for 2 years this June 24. Not a single drop of alcohol during the last 722 days. “Do you think you’re better than us?” might be most common question out there. “No, you do,” is what the answer would be if it were asked. Well, maybe not better but definitely stronger. Check me out sounding like the scorned chick on Maury who lost 500 lbs and now has a killer bod but still has an ugly mug! (I am now embarrassed that I mentioned Maury.)

Other thoughts since the last blog post:

Yes, I believed Tony was whacked by the Members Only fella.

The dirty beating Michael Barrett got from “Big Z” turned the season around. This is the year!

Yeah, I’m private now on MySpace due to the spambots. And yeah, I deleted the “Jonny2Beers” account. It was like a cute little shit-hound, once it started getting older, I ignored it too much so I got rid of it.

Speaking of MySpace, I’m on the verge of ditching it altogether. The only reason I do it was because I needed another place to share the stories I had and Blogger wasn’t enough for me. Since YouTube has video uploading I can use, that’s where mine will go from now on. All of that of course will not matter once I get 94warriors.com up and rolling. So soon I will bid all 164 MySpace friends adieu. When? I don’t know. Too many of the friends are too needy. They have to have attention everyday by wanting you to post a message or they’ll send you to MySpace purgatory and delete off their friends list. NO, NOT THAT!!!

I’m there to share, baby… my words, my thoughts, my videos. Not pat your bottom and tell you that you’re special and the best MySpacer ever! But some of you are.

The return to Blogger is imminent. Along with more words of doom!

Aloha.

Good lord! That was 918 words! Okay, now 927!

Kev and Terry's Deep Discussion About the Trail

2007-03-25T14:16:00.000-05:00

New Battle River Trailer

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Free Bees (not actual bees)

2007-03-21T23:40:00.000-05:00

032107
2302 Hours

Days have gone by and only one stepped forward to accept the challenge given to the MySpace world. Maybe only one could have. Who else sat in front of the magic picture box on a Sunday night anticipating the next day of school by following the lives of a special family from Chicago? Of my 142 friends, it looked like only me and Mr. Dalton Walker, that’s who! Mr. Walker is the one who knew that it was the great Al “Touchdown” Bundy that so eloquently said, “I served my country… I played high school football.” For his knowledge and time spent reading “The Blog Ignored By Millions,” he wins the first ever 94 Warriors Studios T-Shirt, which should be available soon. But if anybody wants to order one, let me know. I’ll sell them to make sure I can afford more equipment for the business. So when you see Dalton online, congratulate him. And thanks for the kind comments, budd!

Speaking of the business, I am giving a one-time offer for those aspiring musicians who would like to make a video. This one-time offer is to get me some experience in directing a music video. Now I know I earlier said this could be done for a fee, but as of right now, I’m feeling a little squirrelly and offering the services for free this ONE-TIME. So if you know a musician or you are a musician waiting to tell the story visually for one song, let me know. Send me a message on here, send me an e-mail at lydelljroberts06@hotmail.com or if you see me around, let me know. I only look mean and busy, so don’t be shy. ONE-TIME offer for whoever. (or is it whomever?) I’ll do a few, so be sure and let me know ASAP.

With that, I realize that I don’t know Young Jeezy from any other rapper with a “Young” in their title, or rappers with a “Lil” in their name for that matter, but I have seen a few videos back in the day. I grew up when it was “Hammer Time,” baby! I know what’s hip, cool, funky, dope, fresh and… okay, that’s the extent of my hip-hop lingo. But still, I’m a professional BSer and can tell one hell of a story, which is what directing is all about. This makes me sound like a “Street Pharmacist.” I lure you in with free stuff only to sucker you in once you’re hooked and a customer forever. But you’ll have fun and not get in trouble with my product.

So tell your friends… FREE STUFF! And place your order for 94 Warriors Studios T-Shirts if you dare ta.

Baby Want Some Milk?

2007-03-16T08:16:00.000-05:00

031507
1853 Hours

While pondering the meaning of life and how I could have possibly underestimated Adam Sandler’s bros. in Grandma’s Boy, I have realized that a bro like this is hard to come by. I mean, how many of your friends would go to the looney bin with you?

I’ve also come to the realization my son, Jaxson Ray Roberts is the great Sam Kinison reincarnated. My son is quite fond of his vocal cords and shows them off at every opportunity. May God have mercy on us all.

Quiz: Who said, “I served my country… I played high school football.” Free 94 Warriors t-shirt to the first correct answer.

How would you tell Pokey Chatman to “Keep it in your pants,” without actually saying “Keep it in your pants.” You can’t tell a woman to keep it in her pants can you? Or have I not watched enough adult entertainment?

What is with DMX on my page? “Alpha Dog” made that song sound cool, but being that lame-ass Bemidjigamaag didn’t bring it around here, I look stupider (my word for the month) than I normally would.

5-2 on my bracket so far. Not good, but not bad either. You’re going down 7 Clans employees! The Sports Guy sold me on Kevin Durant. Go Longhorns!

People around my age:

Tiger Woods: The greatest golfer of all-time, does a butt-load of charity work.

Leonardo DiCaprio: 3-time (?) Academy Award nominated actor, environmentalist.

Angelina Jolie: Academy Award winning actress, U.S. Ambassador to something important, adopts less-fortunate orphans from around the world.

Lydell J. Roberts: Slacker, recovering alcoholic, overweight weekend-warrior.

Who doesn’t belong?

I’m going do something that will change the world… or something that doesn’t involve gaining weight.

Adios, turd nuggets.

On MySpace (94warriorsstudios)

2007-03-14T23:47:00.000-05:00

031407
2133 Hours

First of all, I would like to acknowledge the dozens (and dozens) of new friends that have come aboard during my MySpace friend request rampage over the past week. Out of boredom came a pantload of contacts—I mean friends! In the words of Dr. Evil, “Some of you I know, some of you I’m meeting (well kinda) for the first time.” Like I said earlier, it was quite a task to get through the RLHS alumni list. I had to guess some last names; some of them I got, others I missed. If I happened to pass some by, that was the reason or I just plain ol’ missed you. Up next are the BSU alumni which I should be done with in about 17 months.

Other than that, I was asked to get a table at the RLHS career fair on Friday, where I no doubt offended some, probably gave bad advice to others or was just as clueless about my future as those I was supposed to “guide.” I’m 31-years-old right now and I just now figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. So maybe I wasn’t the right one for the task. Or maybe I was. Who knows? Who cares? But here’s some advice to those that attended the career fair: Learn to read and right the proper way. The wHoLe WrItInG sHiT lIkE tHiS oN yOuR pAgEs DoEsN’t ReAlLy LoOk GoOd On JoB oR cOlLeGe aPpLiCaTiOnS. Plus when you know how, it makes you look smart… which is the only smart thing about me. Oh yea, and PULL UP YOUR PANTS!

Wait, what the hell was the purpose of this? Oh yea, how do you do fellow RLHS graduates? As we push 130-some friends, it kind of puts a lot of pressure on writing something witty and smart. And if that’s what you came for, you’re definitely in the wrong place. I alone carry the torch of the short, stocky, slow-witted bald man (kinda) the great George Louis Costanza lit so many years ago.

Other than that, it’s late, I’m old, and I have to “work” tomorrow. By the way, check out the www.sevenclanscasino.com site for an awesome virtual tour of the water park done by none other than 94 Warriors Studios. I’m also in the process of writing some lame skits to get the ball rolling so I can have videos to share. The writer’s block has overtaken my brain for now.

Verbal Vomit

2007-02-17T12:51:00.000-06:00

021607
2108 Hours

It’s there for the taking. I can feel it, man. Moments away from getting to where I want/need to be. One problem though: I have no idea what it looks like. Ooooh, beer!

Thoughts like that are a dime a dozen on this reservation, especially on a mother f****’ Friday night. But not me though. I’m done with that. I’m too old. I’ve learned my lessons the hard way. Yeah, the hanging out with people is cool, but after about an hour, peoples eyes start to slant, their breath gets even worse and the same topics keep coming up over and over and over. Then the frequent bro handshakes and the expressions of drunk love can be heard until the last light goes out in their head. Good times? I beg to differ… now. But back in the day… man, I was a party animal. After school/work, during school/work, until school/work… you name it, I could and would get drunk any time of the day. In my later drunk years, I could get up from a dead sleep with work or school only a few hours away and start up and go until I was choked out from the beer or whatever the hell was going around about 36 hours later. It actually got to a point where I would stay up for about 30 hours without knowing it. Hey man, that’s what Red Lakers do. We put life aside for a bit if it gets too tough and continue it at a later time after a few cold ones. I would like to share stories of nights out, but I can’t remember much. That’s just how drunk I was all the time. The pride my parents must have felt.

Like I said, those days are long gone. My body couldn’t take anymore. My mind sure as hell couldn’t take it anymore. The panic attacks made sure of that. Have you ever experienced a panic attack? It feels like life is swiftly moving you along to get you out of the way of others. Everything starts moving faster, your heart pounds at such a rapid rate that you can hear and feel it pounding, your mind tells you to hold on because something major is about to happen and you have no choice but to expect the worst. “Maybe it’s a heart attack,” your first thought is. “F*** that! I think I’m going crazy!” Yeah, you think you’re going crazy. I was afraid I was going to get lost in my mind and there’s nobody else in there to help you cope with all that’s going to happen. Being alone has always been one of my biggest fears and I sure didn’t want to be all alone in my head. There are a lot of memories in there that I don’t want to relive. Maybe it’s different for others. They’re biggest fears could consume them when they think time is not on their side.

But what the hell do I know?

I think it’s time to share something that I have been ashamed to admit for a while; recently, I set out to accomplish a feat that was over 5 months in the making. I feel so violated after it was all said and done. I no longer felt like a man. The effort was there, the result I anticipated wasn’t. I was figuratively beaten into the ground again and again until time no longer allowed. Yes, the Colts beat me in the Super Bowl in Madden ’07 58-28. Why?!?!?! 27 hours of my life I’ll never get back has left me feeling so shallow.

I had to lighten up the mood after my sad rant of my former drunken life. I hope it worked. (No, really… I was pissed that I got beat that bad.)

Be cool, brah!

Go Play Intramural, Brother!

2007-02-14T18:28:00.000-06:00

021407
1745 Hours

It’s official! The world has run out of song ideas. After hundreds of years of human dialogue, 2007 will be remembered as when EVERY SINGLE TOPIC IN THE HISTORY CIVILIZATION HAS BEEN USED IN SONG. I mean, come on! With Bon Jovi sitting around their million dollar studio saying, “F*ck it, we need some money… how about ‘Have a Nice Day?’” to Fergie showing off her spelling bee prowess by spelling her name and lifestyle as of late. Even a few years ago there were songs about the alphabet, numbers and days of the week. So now what do we do now? In this society of class clowns who hope for seconds of fame by viral videos online (like yours truly), I think we’re going in the right direction for a replacement of coming up with songs lyrics. But now that I think about some of the videos on MySpace, they are… how do I put this nicely; stupid... D-U-M. And no, that’s not an acronym for something cool. I think “The Illusionators” and “Unemployed Skeletor” are going to do to viral videos what Bon Jovi and Fergie have done to music. Even the always reliable David Spade is throwing bricks. Though I haven’t watched the hairy-back guy with the skin heart, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that it’s no “Dancing Midget.” Being that I’m one of those that share my lame videos online, I’m going to give the Dirk Diggler speech when he kicked-ass at the Adult Film Awards… “I’ll keep trying if you guys keep trying… We can do better… Let’s just keep rocking and rolling.” Then I do my karate kick and bow.

And no, you will not be reimbursed for the time spent on reading this.

Dr. Hoops Does

2007-02-12T15:23:00.000-06:00

021107
2128 Hours

This is how blogs are written!

Hours away from turning 31, I figure everyone who has passed this milestone has had to reflect on their life they have lived to that point. So without further ‘ado:

1976 seems so long ago. Synkyrd was blasted in the background everywhere you went… actually it was Fleetwood Mac in “The Proj.” A year later, Elvis went back to his home planet, the “Son of Sam” terrorized NYC and I was working on getting out of my diaper. From then on, I was a fat kid (Yeah, I know it’s hard to believe I was a little fat kid… I swear to God was!) who moved to RL at four, learned the ways of the Sav at five, played Little League at eight and embarrassed my Uncle Joe who happened to be my coach (Though he awarded me the team MVP in my rookie year of 1984 which I took as being a perfect attendance award and was subsequently disappointed for the remainder of my baseball career because I never missed a day of practice… you would think that I would’ve been a decent player… afraid not,) rocked the “Game Room” at thirteen, struggled through adolescence unscathed, managed to graduate high school (hence the name “94 Warriors”), dealt blackjack for 5 years, became a hardcore drunk, became a father at 19, husband at 24, ass kicker, idiot, extreme harder core drunk, survivor/death dodger, stupid extreme hardcore drunk, college student at twenty-six, panic attack survivor at twenty-eight, ass kickee, recovering alcoholic at twenty-nine, and college grad, new and improved husband/father and businessman at thirty. Maybe 31 isn’t so old after all. Who am I kidding?

Nowadays it’s easy to reflect on what I’ve seen and done. I’ve admitted my past mistakes and moved on, though it hasn’t been easy. My life now consists of me sitting at home and relaxing, occasionally entertaining the wife and kids with my random bursts of lameness and idiocy like doing the “Twist” like nobody’s business out of nowhere. Apparently, I have the baddest-ass “Twist” known to mankind. Chubby Checker owes me for perfecting it. Stay down Vincent Vega and Mia Wallace! Stay down!

Having been able to kick the alcohol habit (591 days without a sip so far) is ONE of my achievements. It does not define me. Though lately I’ve been considered a “Church Person” by someone who apparently didn’t know my story from a few years ago, I don’t push what I’ve been able to do on anyone. It’s hard to stay sober in Red Lake. Like Chuck Barkley said years ago, “I am not a role model.” I’m not. What I do is for my kids, not you and yours. I’m selfish that way.

Aging does crazy things to a man.

You've Been Warned

2007-02-10T14:23:00.000-06:00

Trailer - Battle River

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Vink, Vink

2007-02-09T17:18:00.000-06:00

020806
2153 Hours

Zero.

The amount of time and energy I’ve been able to put towards video production equals zero. Well, that’s a lie… I have a pant-load of ideas in my rotten brain which counts towards effort I suppose. One idea in the works is doing “SitDowns” with locals who are impacting the lives of those around them. The scheduling conflict/communication is the reason the first in the series has been held up but is in the process of being rescheduled. Though I have others in mind, it’s just up to them if they trust me to make them not look bad (if that made sense… it did in my head.) Another idea thrown to me by Mr. King was to follow him around, check out the sights and hilarity will ensue. But as of right now, the job is taking up so much time I don’t want to take away time from the family. You know. So I shall keep the world posted on the “Happs” of the world renowned 94 Warriors Studios (I can say “world renowned” because there was a profile visit from Australia, mate! It was on the map and maps don’t lie.)

Other stuff that has passed through the rotten hell known as my mind:

You would think Sara Silverman would be an ideal star for a TV show. Guess not.

Am I the only one who is sick of Ivory Latta?

The sweat pants that I wore during the softball season have been quite comfy during these cool winter days and I was considering converting my usual jeans look for sweats everyday. Though Jerry once said to George that is was like “giving up,” I am seriously considering it. But is it possible to be taken seriously when you wear sweats to work everyday? Do I dare find out? Maybe I should be satisfied that I can still fit in to my “Husky” jeans.

Two years later, though my ban on NBA watching was lifted last season, I’m still not watching for some reason. (On a side note regarding the NBA; when I see Allen Iverson, Carmelo Anthony or any other player with cornrows, my head starts to itch… anyone else? If I were David Stern, I would require haircuts so my players wouldn’t be confused with WNBA players with thin-chick moustaches.)

With the big “3-1” coming up, and being that the RLPD cancelled their/our dinner on Monday (I was going to use it as my own B-Day bash to make it look like I had hundreds of niijiis) I’m going to have to do my "Gerhard"http://youtube.com/watch?v=3VWe-tVrZ7g elsewhere. Bonanza perhaps? Vink, vink. (And Tina Fey is going to hell.)

By the way, I’m still taking ideas for video productions. Bring it on!

1. Cut a Hole in the Box

2007-01-18T22:47:00.000-06:00

011807
2157 Hours

You got the touch!
You got the powerrrrr!

Written by Stanley Bush, delivered from the lips to the world by Dirk Diggler, who had to fight off Scotty at Jack Horner’s New Year’s bash, the words were meant for me and me alone, right? My caged awesomeness is on the verge of being forced on the world like Duke lacrosse players on strippers. Are you ready? Tough!

I have no idea where that came from. The words just spewed from my brain to the keyboards. But world domination is in sight. As of right now, I have a couple of video projects coming up that could put us on the map until “On The Road: Battle River Style” starts production in early spring (Is that a good name for that movie? I just thought it up while I was typing it in during the first trailer. Thoughts on that are appreciated.) Of course I’ll keep the world posted with updates.

But right now, I’m just out and about keeping the writing skills sharp. Though they’re not as witty and funny as they sound in my head, you will read them and enjoy them. I SAID ENJOY THEM!

It’s been over a month since my last real post on my blogs due to time. But since then I’ve taken a lot of time off the past 2 weeks to get recharged and refreshed so I can be ready for whatever Hell throws my way. We are living in Hell… you know that, right? Let’s see… since December, we’ve had quite possibly one of the greatest hosting jobs in the history of Saturday Night Live by (who woulda thunk it?) Justin Timberlake. “(Expletive) in a Box” has to be the coolest/funniest song of all-time. It sounds just like the kind of jams from the early 90s (Jodeci, Keith Sweat, R. Kelly, Silk, H-Town style). If it were on iTunes, I’d buy it. But it’s not so I had to by the whole episode for $1.99, which isn’t so bad. 3. MAKE HER OPEN THE BOX! And who doesn’t love “The Barry Gibb Talk Show?”

Is it me, or is Christmas getting worse and worse every year?

19 months without one single drink of alcohol. I’m just saying… it hasn't been mentioned in a while.

Count me in on Red Lake’s “Biggest Loser” competition. You’re all going down, fat Red Lakers!

With me confronting my own mortality recently, as I said earlier, nothing made me consider the fact that I could have been asked to leave this awesome party we call life. No, I don’t think I’m ready to die, that’s ridiculous. But while I was sitting in the hospital staying over night for the first time ever (30 years, 10 months and few days without ONE single hospital stay ruined over heartburn!), the one thing that got to me was none other than Duane “Dog” Chapman. It was the one where he was put in jail over the Max Factor guy and was on the verge of giving up his lifestyle as a bounty hunter. He wasn’t sure he wanted to do it anymore even if he could. So the pastor guy told him that that’s what he was put on Earth to do, with all the God talk and stuff. I can’t explain it, I started thinking about my life and what the hell I’m supposed to do, then the whole health/heart thing had me thinking hard about everything; my wife, kids, parents, nephews, nieces, sisters… what was my purpose in life? If I was hit by a truck, dying in the ditch and I had one song to sing to let God know about… WAIT! That’s “Walk The Line!” But anyway, it was something like that. So here I am, ready to take over the world, one video production at a time. Well, at least get paid for some video production. BACK STAGE AT THE VMAs!

What the...

2006-12-07T21:51:00.000-06:00

Join me!

What are you doing here?! You're missing all the fun at www.myspace.com/94warriorsstudios!

Tick Tock, Tick Tock...

2006-11-21T21:26:00.000-06:00

112106
1852 Hours

33 bucks. That’s all I have left to spend on my small business loan. Where did it all go? Ah, hell! I don’t know. But I do know that it’s all in front of me now. I see it coming together like… like… I don’t know… like “Grits n’ Gravy" said, “… come together like buttcheeks.” It does look like I’ll be up and ready by December 5, which is a good sign for a businessman. I set a deadline and I’m coming through on the deadline. One thing that I need though is a website because I’m going to need a lot more than 100mb to display my videos that they offer on MySpace and You Tube. So if there are any web designers out there, I’m interested, man.

With that out of the way, I must ramble (Ramblers, let’s get ramblin’!):

Welcome, Alfonso Soriano. It’s this way to the first championship on the north side in 99 years. ’07 is the year, baby! I’m actually going to get to celebrate a championship for the first time in my life since we won the 1987 youth softball tournament. Being a Wolves fan (former fan, since my boycott of the ’04-’05 season, the interest hasn’t been back yet), Vikings fan (STUPID FALCONS! STUPID GARY ANDERSON! STUPID ROBERT GRIFFITH AND COREY FULLER NOT HOLDING ON TO THAT INTERCEPTION!), and of course, the Cubs, I have not been blessed with a winner or the ability to jump on bandwagons without guilt. But that’s going to change next year.

Months ago, while trying to be a politician (for those of you that don’t know, I unsuccessfully ran for Little Rock District Representative in the May election, kicked ass at the Minneapolis forum, created a little following at www.jonnyr2976.blogspot.com, only to be defeated by the incumbent and the former representative in the primaries… thinking back to those memories, they were kind of boring. Not really any juicy campaign smearing going on, quite civil really, despite my best attempts of nit-picking other campaigns. I learned quite a bit and would have done it a lot differently. I would’ve made some more motherf*ckin’ noise all the way to the tribal council for one thing! I-yih-yih-yih-yih-yih-yih!!! [or however you war-hoop in typing]), I brought up how Red Lake could become the entertainment capital of Indian country by having the right tools. And wouldn’t you know it, I’m doing my part, brah! What I’m interested in are the stories of each and every Red Laker. Everybody has some interesting tale of growing up here. Not me though, I’m lame. I would like some story ideas to put on film. I would say send them anonymously, but that would be kind of hard to do via e-mail or leaving messages on the MySpace or Blogger page. So, do with it whatever you like. I-yih-yih-yih-yih-yih-yih!!!

As you may or may not know, I’m going to start with a Warriors basketball highlight reel after every game (ESPN-style!), hopefully get some interviews with the coaches and players, post them on-line (hopefully I can get my own website going by then) for the world to see. After that, I’m going to whore my services to various programs in the glorious nation of Kaz--, uh, Red Lake, hopefully make enough money to do some pet projects like going on the powwow trail with Battle River for the season (as seen in the teaser trailer in video section of www.myspace.com/jonny2beers/ and www.myspace.com/94warriorsstudios/) and possibly making some other films. I’m open for ideas and looking for talent and stuff.

And come together like buttcheeks when I leave!

Here It Is!

2006-11-18T20:12:00.000-06:00

111806
1955 Hours

The day is getting closer. December 5, 2006 will be the first day of business for 94 WARRIORS STUDIOS and with the first teaser trailer on-line, it actually looks like a legitimate business venture, though it took me all day to compress my footage to get it on the MySpace pages (because, like “The Sports Guy,” I’m an idiot… really, ask my wife… I am.) The “Battle River” project has actually been in the works for a few years. I just finally came through with the resources to get started. So that should be an interesting few months.

But in the mean time, to pay the bills I’ll be offering my services to the great citizens of the Red Lake Nation and the many local businesses/programs that could use some video production, for a fee of course. Send an e-mail while visiting this site or www.myspace.com/94warriorsstudios/ to inquire about services and prices.

Enough of the whoring my services!

Alpha Nerd in the House

2006-11-08T23:44:00.000-06:00

110806
2253 Hours

The days are going by faster and faster. What I’ll miss the most are the campaign ads. Won’t you? Taking cheap shots at certain words by not using them the same way as they were intended is what America is all about, is it not? Viva liberals!

I have no idea what I just said. Those 90s were pretty hard on the old man. I’m old, I’m confused! And a little burnt out. Or is it burned out? Either way, I’ve had my fun. It’s time for the next generation to f*** up and learn the hard way. May experience teach you well, young drunks of the world. Or you can just learn from us “Bush Leaguers” and/or Nancy Reagan and “Just Say No!”

Ah, the 80s; filled with “Pac-Man,” the Atari 2600, a normal Michael Jackson and of course, Eddie “Party All the Time” Murphy. I know if I were in the studio and Eddie was going in to record, I would’ve been all, “Are you serious?!” even though I was only about 9-years-old. Speaking of “PATT,” would Rick James have been as cool as he is now if it were not for Dave Chappelle?

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION FOR AN IMPORTANT BULLETIN: I have decided to rid myself of the “Soul Patch.” It was not meant to be a fashion statement in the years it was on my ugly face, it was purely for comfort. Yeah, I was never trying to be cool. It’s so rare for me to have facial hair (except for the cool ‘stache I used to rock from late high school until early 21st century) which caused irritation when I would cut it. I’ve said too much. But for the rest of you with the full mustaches only look, keep on rockin’ em… they’re on their way back along with “The Tail.” Okay, maybe they’re not. But at least they look cool! (wink, wink)

With the recent hold up of my impending business venture, it surely does pay to have patience. If not for that patience, I would’ve ordered all the wrong stuff and f***** up the whole plan. Plus patience helps in the real world too. Right now I have more patience than a free-clinic doctor. (Ohhh!) That is going into my rap song if I ever decide to become a dope rapper. But anyone who wants to use it is more welcome than the new democrats in the house and senate! (Nerrrrrrrr-deeeeeee!!!) Dang it! I lost my coolness in a matter of 3 sentences. Nothing new to me though.

Quote of the day (which is what I’m going to use during the coin-flip for the softball season next year): “Is this it priest, the pope’s new army, a few crusty b!tches and a handful of rag tags?”

Any one of my 3 readers know what that’s from? Come on! First correct answer gets a coupon for the soon-to-open “94 Warriors Studios” for… uh, I’m not sure yet. Begin!

p.s. be my friend... come aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhn!

Operation: Winter Fur

2006-10-30T23:06:00.000-06:00

103006
2215 Hours

We are days away from the start of my own business. I figured I would have been up and running by now, but technology has hindered my progress. My camera had to be ordered from the company factory; my computer was still being built and should be done by Nov. 1. But other than that, I’m ready. The ideas have been coming to me at a rapid rate, such as doing Warrior highlights this upcoming basketball season. I just need an anchor. But as of right now I’m ready to go. Come on equipment!

Thoughts on this fine, snowy evening:

Speaking of snow, it’s time to put on the “Winter Fur.” But how much?

Does anyone else say, “Hader in the house!” when Bill Hader is introduced during the opening credits of “Saturday Night Live?”

If I had been elected to the tribal council in May, another law I would’ve introduced would have been “… anyone with gray hair is no longer allowed to use hip-hop language. You must act your age and come to the realization that your time has passed. Unless you’re Russell Simmons, Dr. Dre, MC Hammer, Kool Moe Dee or any other hip-hop pioneer, your use of the lingo is now revoked.” How awesome of a Little Rock Representative would I have been? And yet another law would be that every person named Mike would be known as “Rockin’ the Mike.” Under the previous law, being that I don’t have gray hair yet, by that law, I would be able to use the hip-hop language for this purpose. Why? Because it’s my law, dammit!!! Of course that law would have went along with the banning of all male colognes/body sprays and anyone over the age of 12 (formerly 17) is no longer to wear a sports jersey because the only reason to wear another dude’s jersey is if he’s taking you to the homecoming dance. Right? Amen.

By the way, the Vikings are losing by 27 and there’s been a Brooks Bollinger sighting at the Dome. You’ll never be Tommy Kramer, Bollinger! Never!!! How dare you take #9!!!

A-Rod’s coming to the Cubs. I guarantee it. I’ll be your buddy, A-Rod and we shall be champions together.

The wife is watching TLC’s “Little People, Big World” and I would be the Wilt Chamberlain of their Dwarf Athletic Association. You know it! LET IT RAIN!!!

Speaking of let it rain; how could PSH’s “Sandy Lyle” be ignored. “The Sharter” deserves your respect! Bow your heads! This is also why I don’t play basketball anymore. “My legs are burning!”

Yet another character in the “Jonny R. Character Hall of Fame:” Ladies and gentlemen… HOWIE!!!

And I know some of you “Hulk-a-Manics” remember this song. Quite possibly the greatest entry music ever.

Aloha.

Back From the 'Cloud!

2006-10-24T22:29:00.000-05:00

102406
2150 Hours

Yet again, my ascent into multi-millionaire status will be delayed. Not due to effort like normal, but due to technology. It seems my “MacBook” is still being assembled as we speak (or type.) I ordered it 2 weeks ago and they said it should be in within 10 days (again.) So I return to work for a few more weeks. How do I figure “multi-millionaire status?” I don’t know, it just sounds cooler than “entrepreneur-ness,” which is a word I made up about 9:55 p.m. So if any of you companies want some training/orientation videos or you aspiring rappers want a “super-funky-dope-mad-fresh” video for your “MySpace” page, you all are going to have to wait a few more days. The studio shall open in time. STUPID BSU MAC STORE!!!

As you may or may not know, I just returned from a training session in St. Cloud and have been out of the loop. I have no idea of what’s going on in the world right now. But one thing I was unable to escape were the millions (… and millions) of election season signs all along the highway heading south. All I know about this election season is that my main man Lee Hawk was denied in his bid as County Recorder. Why was Lee Hawk my main man? Do I know him personally? No, of course not. But I do remember one of his campaign deals in the “Bemidji Pioneer” once and that sumbi*** looked like he meant business! It looked like he could record Beltrami County’s business like nobody’s… uh, business. But that’s just me. You had my vote, buddy! By the way; what the hell is a county recorder? Does the current county recorder sit in meetings with his tape recorder and… record? I think someone just made that job up for a family member.

And for sheriff? I don’t know, man. I don’t think you can trust a sheriff that is not endowed in the way of the mustachio. Isn’t that what being a sheriff is all about, having a big, thick red or brown mustache to chase down perpetrators of this fine county’s written laws? And big mirror sunglasses? I think it would be pretty cool if we had a Buford T. Justice or a Roscoe P. Coltrane for Beltrami County. Who’s with me?! Fine!

I don’t know, bro. When next year comes around, I should have at least one movie made by then. After that, there are a few more ideas I have I’m going to toy with. Stupid “Borat” stole my movie idea! But it looks pretty good, no? Not as good as “The Departed” though. That movie was by far the best movie I have seen in years. Nicholson was awesome and deserves a best actor nomination. And I’m going to go out on a limb here (like I did for Mickey Rourke for his portrayal of “Marv” in “Sin City” last year) and say “Don’t Call Me Marky” Mark Wahlberg for best supporting actor. If you’ve seen the movie, you know what I mean. Of course, this is the year Martin Scorsese finally gets his.

Battle!

2006-10-14T18:30:00.000-05:00

101406
1754 Hours

Do you feel the racial tension in the air? This morning’s “Bemidji Pioneer” has once again stirred up controversy in regards to our lake. Who owns it, the state or the Red Lake Band of Ojibwe? This is going to get interesting. It looks like I might have to invest in a rifle so we can all stand at the shores to keep the white folk out. I knew there were some out there that couldn’t stand their “neighbors to the north.” Notice all of the cheap shots thrown out there. This going to be an interesting election season. Two in one year! And yes, that was me, Lydell R. who quoted “Dazed and Confused.” Again. So suck on that!

Well, it looks like I’m on my way to my own business venture. The computer and camera were ordered on Thursday and should hopefully be here by the end of next week. Then I’ll get to know the system over next weekend and be up and running a few days later. Of course there will be money to be made, but doing something that you love for a living (since playing for the Cubs is no longer an option) is, I’m assuming, indescribable. Maybe even fun. Can you imagine a company run by me?! Two days a week we could have Hawaiian shirt day, or Formal Friday (tuxes only, ladies too). We could start the day with a “Bluto” Pearl Harbor speech when times are tough or something of that nature. Now I can’t wait! So if it gets to where I could use a little help, I’ll be hiring. I know that I’m going to need some extras for a few productions. That will be posted when needed I suppose. After I get the big money projects finished I’ll then get to some pet projects I’ve had in my head the past 7 years. So it looks like I’m really on my way. It’s all up to me now.

And I’m spent.

The Next Mr. Roberts

2006-10-09T00:14:00.000-05:00

The Crawl Space

2006-10-09T00:10:00.001-05:00

100806
2327 Hours

It looks like I overestimated the ETA of my bizz. I expected to have my equipment by the end of last week and get to know it over the weekend, but things come up, so… this week the ball should be rolling. I’ll order the stuff this week, give ‘er a few days for the delivery of the stuff and we should be rolling by the end of next week. “94 Warriors Studios” will be up and running within the next few weeks.

Is anyone else getting this “Ghetto” vibe around here? I mean, I’m scared to leave the house after dark. Then when I do, I’m scared to leave the family home alone even though it’s just to the store and back. At least it’s getting some attention for once. Is it too late for us? I know if I had the money, I would get the hell out of here as fast as I can. Honestly, what is there around here to be proud of lately? All the negativity gets the headlines and those that are doing something positive with their lives; they get swept under the rug. They say it can only get worse before it gets better. Isn’t that scary? I sure hope the Chairman and the rest of the council can do something before it gets too late to act. So far, most of the council has been pretty quiet, nobody really stands out. I don’t know what I’m expecting of our elected leaders. Maybe it’s someone who will command the attention of the world and have them eating out of their hand. Isn’t that what should be expected of a great leader? Maybe I watch too many movies. Houses being broken in to, crackheads seeing taking a hit in driveways for everyone to see, drunks everywhere… our leaders have quite the task in front of them. Good luck to us.

Good lord, that was depressing. Come to think of it, how do I know what the “Ghetto” would be like? It just seems like that’s what it would be like. Again, too many movies for the fat kid. At least the Vikings won today. A win’s a win!

How awesome is this? Bill Hader did an awesome Pacino last season and that was the last of it. It’s about time. “Where I come from, you keep 20 in your sock and the rest under the tarp in your crawl space!” Words to live by.

With Monday coming up, it’s time for “Heros.” I promised not get involved with anymore shows to due the lack of time I have for the ones I’m watching now, but this is a pretty good show. I suppose this goes back to the childhood and wanting to be a superhero. Another good new show is “Friday Night Lights.” That was surprising. I know you weren’t saying “Suggest away, Jonny R…. what’s up?!” but I thought I would just share TV tips.

Remember: “94 Warriors Studios” coming soon. You’ve been warned.

Coming Soon: 94 Warriors Studios

2006-09-29T20:45:00.000-05:00

092906
2010 Hours

Yes, I am home on a Friday night watching cartoons… just like always thought I would be doing when I was a kid.

It looks like someone jumped the gun on “Jonny R. National Hug Day.”

But anyway… well, it’s official; I’m going into business for myself. I got the word yesterday that my small business loan was approved. At first, I was a little nervous. For years I’ve been saying they don’t give us a chance to succeed around here. It’s like everyone is afraid to succeed because someone will always try and bring you down. But for me, it was like them making me put my money (actually, theirs until I pay it back) where my big mouth is. I was more afraid to fail than anything else. And that’s a big fat Jabba the Hut “Was.” But I’m ready now. So… challenge accepted!

I should have all of my equipment by the end of next week, take the weekend to get a feel for it and be up and running the week after. So this is it… it’s my turn to “Put up or shut up.”

Did you know I’m a “Thug?” I live the “Thug Life,” baby! Well, that’s according to the late, great Tupac Shakur. In “Tupac: Resurrection,” he referred to himself as a “Thug” because of him being an underdog or something of that nature. If I’m wrong with that wording, please correct me because I don’t want to look it up. Being that I am an underdog myself, Tupac would consider me a “Thug.” What?! So when I see these kids in their red or blue maid bandanas, I just want to hug them because I am a “Thug/Underdog” as well. So next time you see “Thug,” think underdog. Me and my fellow “Thugs” will all hug on “Jonny R. National Hug Day” which is the 3rd Saturday in October. And everything will be all better and shit!

Aaniindana

2006-09-26T21:54:00.000-05:00

092606
2208 Hours

“We are gathered here today to celebrate this thing we call life…” and I forgot the rest of the song. Yes, I’m a bad Minnesotan, I know. WTF is up?! For me, the past few months have been overly satisfying. I mean, I don’t even deserve what I have. But I have it and I’m not giving any of it up, so suck it!

Since about late July, I was employed at “Warrior Down” for approximately 3 weeks, moved over to the RLHS since August, have been playing softball by finishing up the Redby league with a 6-8 record, had a baby boy by the name of Jaxson Ray Roberts (actually, my wife had him… I just supervised the birth stuff) who is named after the “Uncle Master” Raymond Joseph Roberts (kinda named after him I suppose), dropped out of “Fat School” (the “Balancing Our Lifestyle” program), got my kids school supplies/clothes, paid for 3 birthdays within 39 days, started Red Lake Fall Softball League by going 4-0 (no thanks to this no-talent (but surprisingly speedy…ask my teammates!) rally killer), turned in another application to start my own business (not to mention eagerly anticipating the rejection letter in the upcoming days so I can give those above me feces about not giving us with bad credit another chance… (and I’ll say for the 864th time) Jesus forgave!!! You all think you’re bigger and better than Jesus?! Oh, and got my oldest her stupid violin for free lessons at school. Woo! I need a smoke.

Enough about me… nah, let’s keep talking about me and how clueless I am about the “Rez Life.” The Red Lake Nation is hurting for… I don’t know what… hug perhaps? “Let’s hug it out, b****,” as Ari Gold would say. (Yeah, I still censor myself. Being a father has really caused my usually R-rated life turn to motherf*****’ PG! All of this is just in case my children ever come across this site, so there.) I suppose alcohol is the downfall of it all. Or drugs. Or stupidity. F*** it! Let’s blame all of it and enjoy our descent into hell. Bring some sunscreen!

Speaking of Satan’s place, I remember when “Buzz” Gustafson (I know all of you old “River Roaders from the mid to late 90s know who Buzz is… that’s bush… bush league) was on one of his rants where he brought up how some Mormons (or some other religion where you can marry more than one broad… oh, that’s the only one?) believed that we were already living in hell. At the time, it didn’t seem likely. But now, at least everybody I know is in it with me! Though I would not admit to saying “There is no one else I would go to Hell with” about most of you. But I still love you. Not you (points with lips) though.

I Shall Return Soon...

2006-09-22T00:26:00.000-05:00

I'm a busy working man, uh... man! No time to share stuff. But I shall return soon. 2,000 visits! I rule. Let's turn this into the new "Red Lake Forum" since ours was so rudely taken away. Any thoughts from my loyal 4 readers? What about any of the 2,000+ visitors? Keep this site active because I have no time right now. Just a thought. Okay, I'll start... um, Miskwaagamiiwiizagi'igan Wiisinin-something has ridiculous prices. We must be rolling in it, right? Any thoughts, questions, rumors or snide remarks to share?

Don't You Think?

2006-09-03T02:32:00.000-05:00

090306
0159 Hours

What the hell was that?! Sobriety does things to your mind, man! Forgive me.

Does anybody else have faith in the direction of the Red Lake Nation? I… I’m losing faith. Those in charge have so much power it’s kind of scary to think about what they’re going to do. Do they have too much power? I think they do. The guy running Red Lake Foods is getting out of hand. If him being on the council, having his own business AND being the manager of Red Lake’s main source of retail is not a major conflict of interest, I don’t know what is. He tried to take from my mom but couldn’t get away with it and it looks like he’s doing it again to someone else. Can they give each other jobs like that? Of course they can. Should they? No. But hey man, like the lawyer said, they’re our laws, we have to decide how we want to use them. Gawdamn! I’m starting to sound like Bill Lawrence!

Speaking of politics, I remember during the Little Rock Candidate’s Forum in May when someone had a question for the chairman candidates about drug/alcohol testing for all members of the council as well as the hereditary chiefs but the question was pushed aside. That would’ve been an excellent question. I also recall Karen Norris-Barrett having something in her literature about how tribal council members should follow tribal laws regarding alcohol/drugs if the rest of the members of Red Lake have to abide by them.

What does all of this have to do with anything? I guess I’m just fed up with the works. It’s nothing that’s happening to me personally, it’s just a lot has gone wrong around here for so long. Is this an environment for kids to grow up in? I know I wouldn’t want my kids to grow up here with all of the drugs and alcohol that plague us. What have I done to help you might ask. Well, I quit drinking myself, I offered my services as a volunteer youth softball coach and ran for the Little Rock Representative to try and make a difference. But right now I’m on the verge of giving up on this place. All there is left for me to do is take care of my kids and this isn’t the place for them to grow up. There is a face that I don’t want them to see that still lurks around here. Far too long I’ve relied on not taking my kids to certain places so we don’t come face to face. It’s not us that should leave and we didn’t. But something has to be done around here to restore the faith. To be quite honest, I don’t think that’s possible. We have failed each other.

I’m off to do another moonwalk.

If you’re in the mood to hear deeper thoughts about Red Lake, check out James King’s blog at http://www.jking07.blogspot.com/. I had the opportunity to work with him and was wowed by his knowledge.

Cheers, Mate!

2006-09-03T01:43:00.000-05:00

090306
0110 Hours

With only a few decades of life for me on your planet, I’ve wondered out loud many a time what is my purpose for being. What’s yours? For me, I don’t think being a fat drunk was something I could do for the rest of my life so I quit. Thank God I’m a lazy quitter. With the current shenanigans happening on a daily basis, one has to wonder how long this will continue. How much longer will the pollution of society be accepted? (Check out my big words!) I don’t think any of this will end anytime soon. Good lord that’s a depressing topic. BOO!!! Shame on us all. (I sure do say that a lot.) Maybe if I were to ever fall off this high horse we call sobriety, I would be able to look the other way. But I’m actually having a decent time being a sober mess.

This is the brain child of a man who had hit rock bottom. Nothing mattered to me 15 months ago and nobody impressed me enough to rethink my options. As sad as this will sound, not even my children could convince me to stop. I look back at those years as a drunk with shame. I mean I’m humiliated at how I used to live my life. To be quite honest, I’m lucky to be alive. There were so many times that I would wake up from drinking the next day and wonder how I got home and someone would tell me that I drove myself home. It still scares me.

Do I deserve what I have? Should I have been given so many chances? No. But I will cherish every single day I get out of what’s left of my life, which should be… according to my latest calculations… carry the 7… 71 years and 4 days.

I write this for myself… because I’m selfish. But for those that read this who like to go out, have a few to get away from the kids, one night could ruin it all. And that happens around here a lot.

Now I’m even more depressed.

To get out of that mood, I will now moonwalk across my living room floor. It’s amazing what a little moonwalk will do for a bro. I encourage everyone to try it once in a while.

Let’s go! Drink ‘em up! You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here!

And no, I don’t miss that life one bit no matter how much I hear your drinking stories.

Hey, Darlin' (wink).

2006-08-31T19:14:00.000-05:00

083106
1816 Hours

Does it feel like a Friday to everyone else or am I just being lazy?

How do you do?! So many days without sharing the thoughts I almost forgot my damn passwords to my spots. Why the neglecting of the blog? I’ve been too busy, babies! Softball, a different full-time job and a brand new baby boy have been chomping up the minutes to my recent days. But now I’m back and the first question on my agenda: What’s a chick’s “London Bridge” and why does it fall down? Like I asked many posts ago about Bon Jovi’s “Have a Nice Day,” is the world running out of song ideas?

Okay, maybe that wasn’t the deepest of thoughts. One of the problems that are arising in my eyes are “Reality TV” which isn’t reality at all. I was watching “Hogan Knows Best” a few weeks ago, the one where Brooke went missing for a while on vacation alone, and Hulk and Linda were so worried sick about their daughter they were almost in tears (I would be too but…) when I wondered why they didn’t call the guy who has the camera, you know, THE ONE THAT’S FOLLOWING HER!!! But I’m still a little “Hulk-a- Maniac.”

Has anyone seen 50 Cent? Did we hurt his feelings when nobody went to his movie? Just wondering.

If I were elected to the Red Lake Tribal Council, after I had banned all men’s cologne’s, I would ban all wearing of sports jerseys by everyone over the age of 17. Why? I just believe you shouldn’t wear another dude’s jersey unless he’s taking you to the Homecoming dance. Agreed? Man Law! (I would've been an awesome Little Rock Rep!)

Does anyone else agree that the lame white guy ruined the goatee? (Do you know how long it took me to find a picture of “Screech?” F***** SCREECH!!! AND THE LINK DOESN'T EVEN WORK!!!)

Is it me, or did Sam Rockwell get robbed of an Oscar nomination for his portrayal of Zaphod Beeblebrox? That has to be one of my favorite movie characters of all time, between “Wooderson” and “Ron Burgundy.” From now on, I’m going to wink after everything I say.

For now, that is all I have. “You’re gorgeous, stop it, you’re driving me crazy (wink).”

Me and the Heir To My Throne

2006-08-26T17:39:00.000-05:00

Don't Call It a Comeback!

2006-08-11T22:37:00.000-05:00

081106
2236 Hours

How about my return backed up with some Marilyn Manson?

Yes indeed I am back. I was going to go with LL Cool J’s “Mama Said Knock You Out” just for the “Don’t call it a comeback,” opening line but the video wouldn’t play, so Mr. Manson it is and the title of the post will have to do.

If you must know, I’ve been working and just got back from “roughing it” at KOA and Sandy Beach on a camping trip. The roughest part of the camping trip was on the vehicles when we had to come back to civilization to take a poop. I’ve said too much.

Holy balls I’ve missed a lot of opportunities to “hate.” (I think that’s the new word the kids use nowadays to describe the act of disagreeing with someone.) For instance, the whole election dispute that came to a crashing halt Wednesday during the council meeting. I stayed for all of 30 minutes at that “meeting.” Honestly, I was embarrassed to be a Red Laker. Anyone else? There wasn’t much to be accomplished with all of finger pointing but it went on and on. Shame on us all. After everything was said and done, with the council having ALL of the power over us all, was there any doubt that the final outcome was what it was? They do have all of the power (a little too much I must say), but we are supposed to have a say in all of it and I wasn’t asked for my input. WTF? The allegations should have been put together with some stink on it. Being what they were, like I’ve said earlier, we’re starting to look like Leech Lake. I read that somewhere recently but I can’t remember where.

Did you see that letter that was going around? Good lord! Use spell-check or get a dictionary if you want to attack someone.

As for there “…being no law against vote buying,” how stupid does that make us look? Somebody should’ve had the Brian Fantana to Champ Kind speech to the lawyer. You know, the speech when “The Bry Man” told Champ, “Maybe you should stop talking for a while,” and “Big Poppa” Burgundy chimed in with “maybe sit the next couple of plays out,” after Champ was professing his love for Ron and went a little overboard in doing so. And yes, I’ve seen that movie 86 times too many.

Yeah, I voted for Judy Roy. Now I don’t care who’s running the show. Let’s just get the economy going and get us all working full-time!

But after hearing what little I did at the meeting, I say let’s just start the whole damned thing over and let’s get Jonny R. on the council! Nah, maybe not. Being that it’s impossible to do what’s right because of feelings getting hurt, Billy Greene can have the seat. But if we did get to go through the election process, I could feel like “Nice Guy” Eddie again wishing the guys good luck in their diamond heist like when I said, “Good luck, Mr. (Billy) Greene. Good luck, Mr. (Gerald) Blue. Good luck, Mr. (Jim) White,” after the Little Rock forum in May to the other candidates. And if there were indeed a “Mr. Greene” in Joe’s crew.

As for other crap, my loan application for my small business was turned down because it was mandatory that I be at the meeting of the loan committee. Normally I would agree with that, but when you send out the letter 2 days before the meeting and not give a bro a call before hand to let him know “what up,” it’s kind of hard to be prepared, especially when I was out working on a camping trip, which led to me getting the letter 2 days after the meeting took place. I mean they had about 3 weeks to get this info to me sooner. So I have some rules and regulations to contest next week. I didn’t care that I was denied, I kind of expected it, but to have it turned down because of this, I’m going to fight this like someone stole my purse! You have been warned “Small Business Loan Committee.” I’m coming for you.

Daniel LaRusso's Gonna Fight!

2006-07-29T13:19:00.000-05:00

072906
1240 Hours

My initial reaction to the latest Red Lake Election news last night was the same shock I felt when Daniel-San was able to recover from the leg sweep at the All-Valley tournament and fight Johnny Lawrence. No way!

This is going to get ugly. One thing that I said before was that this was going to drag out for a while. Who knew I could actually be right about something? Well, maybe I wasn’t the only one… but still. Now what? The allegations and evidence of those allegations are very solid. There is a lot of explaining to do. Who’s first?

Those that stood up should be applauded. None of this sounds to be personal, to me anyway (unless there is something that I don’t know, which has happened before due to minding my own business and living in the woods.) But you can’t ignore solid evidence. It’s sad and unfortunate that it came to this, but the cat is out of the bag now. I wish everybody good luck with that.

Check out my team at the tourney Wednesday. They all played so hard that day, I couldn’t be more proud. So hard, some didn’t want to come out even though they were hurt, hot, exhausted, sun burned and near dehydration. I have never seen so many kids work so hard the past few days.

But anyway, yesterday I had “Job Interview #5.” Though I was hired this week at another job, I have to uphold my obligation as a job seeker to show up for these things so I can complain about not getting hired while being qualified. You know, just to “Stick it to the man.” Or, what would be considered “Sticking it to the man?”

I found this yesterday while getting only famous people on my friend list for MySpace:

_.....____________________, ,
...../ `---___________----_____] = = = = = D
...../_==o;;;;;;;;_______.:/
.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----"
...//___//
..//___//
.//___//

Why only famous people on my friend list? I don’t know, just boredom I guess.

While still waiting to get the news of my failed attempt to start my own business by way of my small business loan idea getting turned down only to see someone else steal my idea later on down the road, my ideas have come to a halt until then.

I don’t know why I’m sounding like “Debbie Downer.” I have nothing to complain about. Maybe I’m just like Prince’s mother, “… she’s never satisfied.” Where else you gonna find a blogger quoting Prince?! What?!

Right On, Chuckster!

2006-07-27T07:34:00.000-05:00

072706
0704 Hours

We need more people like Charles Barkley. What he said in this article can be said for Red Lakers. We have a lot of obstacles to overcome to get to where “White America” is. Instead of me reciting it word for word, read the damned thing for yourself since you’re not working like you’re supposed to be anyway. Slacker.

Now should we expect a flurry of confessions from all of the boybands of the ‘90s? Or does he mean “gay” as in lame? Just wondering.

I’m putting an application in at “Smart Skate,” ASAP. Is it still called “Smart Skate?” I haven’t been there since New Year’s 1990 as a freshman in high school.

While up at 5am because I had to wash clothes this morning due to my vicious tanning session yesterday at the Comp Health Youth Softball Tourney (where my little Wolf Pack team took 3rd after 7 hours of games… I’m so proud) and watching videos to pass the time, I think Kelly Clarkson digs me. Look at the way she’s looking at me in the video. Don’t you think?

Speaking of yesterday’s tourney, after that marathon of coaching games, I had to go and play right after in Redby, where we lost a tough one, 23-22. I have to seriously consider retiring from coaching. I’m getting too old for the stress.

Embrace Me Workforce... I SAID EMBRACE ME!

2006-07-24T13:22:00.000-05:00

072406
1142 Hours

The never ending search for employment might in fact end. Though I wasn’t “searching” as hard as a “college graduate” (I’m doing the whole “quote-unquote” thing to complete the smart looking “effect” to make it look like I know what I’m “talking about”… now I can’t quit!) should’ve been, but then again, I rarely got an “A” (there I go again) for effort in anything. So now I get to put “Independent Contractor” on the occupation line on other applications, if I indeed want to bother with more rejections and it gets approved by the powers that be. It also sounds a lot better than “Slacker.” It sounds like I would build stuff. Sadly, the only thing I will build is… I’m not sure. This is something I will do until they ask me to quit coming in. I just hope I don’t end up like “Milton” in “Office Space.”

Apparently my words of the unintelligent nature took me down this road of what the working class call, uh, “work.” My words are getting out to the public. I am infecting the blogworld with my mindless dribble. There is no stopping me now! Okay, maybe there is.

Now what?

But for those of you that do not understand the title of this blog, I present to you, Mr. Matt Foley.

After once again browsing MySpace to appeal to a larger audience, it appears that my lack of friends is a gauge of how uncool I am. Most people are in the hundreds if not thousands while I’m at 2. Yep, it’s only me, Dust and Tom. But this is by choice of course. I’m not here to be cool, because I’m about as cool as a cup of urine after a UA. So those of you that I have not added, it’s nothing personal. I’m just not a very friendly guy. I’ve turned old and bitter in my later years. Actually, that’s not true. I’ve come to embrace all of God’s creatures. Okay, that’s a lie too. I’m just here to babble, man.

By the way, am I the only one who posts the same writings on “Blogger” and “MySpace?” I had another blog somewhere, but I forgot all about it until now. I’m so lazy.

The Magic Post #204

2006-07-22T00:27:00.000-05:00

072106
2350 Hours

What does the future have in store for me? It seems, in my 30 years, I have done less with so much that it’s shameful. But that’s just me thinking the way I do to keep myself in check.

I don't know why I started out with that. It seemed like it would've took off. Guess not.

But looking out at the weekend, it seems Red Lakers are doing what Red Lakers do. How do I know? Well, I used to do the same thing; go to the store, load up on munchies for the kids, go pick up the babysitter and head for a night out without a care in the world. The beer flowed like the rivers of ancient Babylon. Most of the time, there were regrets. Now that I look back, I wasn’t as cute or tough or smart as I thought as I when I was under the influence. It’s like a fantasy world for adults, reliving past glories and taking credit for things that had nothing to do with them. It usually ends up with doing stupid stuff that they can never take back that they wish they could. That’s how I remember those days. And I didn’t even mention the hang-overs! But it was time for me to grow up. And here I am, though not fully mentally grown up yet. I’m on my way though… I hope.

Lately, there hasn’t really been much time to hang out with the bros. It’s not like we avoid each other (or maybe they're all avoiding me… wouldn’t be the first time [sigh]), it’s just that we’re all fathers now and have adult things to worry about like bills and jobs (some of us have to find one… like me [more on that in a minute] and others have to worry about keeping one.) But when we do get together, the conversations have movie or sitcom written all over them. One time me and my buddy were talking about the new hardcore drugs and how they could keep a bro awake for days at a time. We thought, “Why would you want to stay awake for days at a time? Sleeping is the best thing ever!” I mean, I cherish every second of sleep I can get, even though I recently eliminated the whole midday nap and traded it in for sleeping until noon so as to not look like a lazy brute to potential job recruiters. Okay, maybe I exaggerated on the conversations having movie or sitcom written all over them. Sue me!

Speaking of employment, I might have a yob (or is it pronounced JOB with a hard “J”). It was offered today and I might start next week. Working with the youth looked like it had passed me by when I wasn’t hired for the Prevention Specialist, so it should be fun. It looks like the bloggin’ will come to a slight halt starting next week and I’m sure it will crush my 3 loyal readers (I think it was up to 5 at one point).

Speaking of employment Vol. II, I put in 2 more applications in today, bringing the total apps put in so far to an even snowman; 8. I’ve been turned down 4 times, one interview next Friday, 1 sometime soon and 2 more on the horizon. Plus, my loan application should be getting turned down by early August, which would actually make that last plus a negative. Whatever, bro. At least I’m still good-looking! Oh, I’m not? Never mind then.

Zombie

2006-07-21T02:02:00.000-05:00

072106
0121 Hours

Once again, sleep is eluding me. A couple of years ago I was like this, unable to sleep, tossing and turning all night. But back then, nothing was going for me. I was having trouble with alcohol, losing family members, struggling with summer school and my finances. It seemed like nothing could go right. Being from Red Lake, I know many can relate to being knocked down and not sure if getting back up would be worth the effort. It was tough. So the next day, I was so sick of feeling lost and worthless, I told myself I would go out and find a job and not come home until I did. Being that I had no political pull whatsoever (I still don’t), it was useless to beg. But I did go see the Treasurer and he pointed me in the right direction which turned out to be an opportunity at Red Lake Gaming Enterprises as a Compliance Specialist. But after awhile of self reflection, and almost 2 years, that’s not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I learned a lot over there. Enough to know to go do something I could enjoy every day. So here I am, 13 pounds lighter (after gaining about 20 after I quit drinking in June of ’05), clear conscience and the joy of spending every minute of every day with my family, which I wasn’t doing with school, work and partying. Boozers are losers, man!

So now what do I do? I’m a full-time father. Disciplining my kids like nobody’s business. Now that I think about it, after watching “Madea’s Family Reunion,” I kind of saw my parenting skills in that old lady. I hope nobody else does. That was a pretty good movie. I was surprised. I thought the first one was pretty good too.

So now let me get off that topic to save what little manhood I have left. Speaking of kids, I had quite possibly the most satisfying conversation with my oldest nephew yesterday. He told me that he would never start drinking because of all that he’s seen in his short 13 years. I was surprised (and relieved) to hear that. And so proud. He’s a smart young man. I once told him that he has to always remember that he’s going to be looked up to for the rest of his life because he’s the oldest of my mom’s grandkids. I don’t know if he remembers that, but I remember when I told him. One thing about him though, I would force him to play baseball. I don’t want to see that talent being wasted playing men’s softball for the rest of his life. Playing men’s softball, bad habits are picked up off the field. So I’ll do what I can.

Come to think of it, what would I do if I were to have a boy? After three girls, it would be quite a change. Would I force him to be a suffering Cubs fan? Of course I would. I need someone to share my misery with. And I would put a ball and glove in his crib the first day he came home. Or something like that.

Tito, get me some tissue.

I'm getting soft in my old age.

Suck on that!

Update 072006

2006-07-20T12:04:00.000-05:00

072006
1137 Hours

First of all, let me start by saying I was misquoted in today’s edition of the Minneapolis Star Tribune. What I did say was “I’m living the “Rez Life” everyday and it’s hard to be optimistic seeing what I do on a daily basis,” and I went on about how it was hard seeing people I looked up to growing up struggling with drugs and alcohol. But it’s cool, man. You do your thing, Dalton Walker. You make Red Lake proud.

And second of all, congratulations to our Chairman for pulling it off on his re-election. Good job, buddy. It wasn’t a landslide like the first round but a win’s a win. Judy Roy had quite a run, 20-4 to be exact. In sports, that would have done it. I mean, how could it not? But it’s all over now and hopefully it will all change for the better. I don’t know how close I was predicting the outcome (not close at all, really), but I might have got the margin of victory in the chairman race (if you ignore who I picked to win.) Now I hope this new council will restore balance in the galaxy… or tribe. Whatever helps us.

I think that’s all I have for now. I have a business loan application to turn in today and… that’s about it since I’m probably not going to get hired around here any time soon. Yup, you heard that right. I’m going into business for myself. I’m going to be a mogul someday... if I get approved for that loan. It’s the only thing holding me back. I don’t see why I should get turned down, they say they want us to start our own business and thrive on our own and stuff. But we’ll see. Indeed we’ll see.

And we got be last night, 12-11. We suck.

I’m hungry.

Vote or Die... I Think They're Serious

2006-07-19T17:16:00.000-05:00

071906
1649 Hours

“Election Day-Part Niizh” is upon us. Did you go and vote yet? Me either… yet. I will though. My voice will be heard to ensure that the future of our Tribe is on the path to righteousness, spiritual purity and—okay, I ran out of big political words… which is why I retired from the political game... that and only 23 votes didn't help either.

With the day, voting in today’s election isn’t at the top of my to-do list. It ranks up there but it won’t surpass my game this evening at the Art Thunder Memorial Park at 9pm (come watch an excellent display of unfundementals… bring a notepad ‘cause we’re going to f*** up our chances at victory like nobody’s business). Hopefully we can end our first 2 game losing streak of the season. Come to think of it, why does my softball game rank above the election? “Gee, Mr. Spiccoli… I don’t know,” is what Mr. Hand once told a promising student at Rigdemont High so many years ago. Either way, both candidates bring a lot to the table. The incumbent is smart, ambitious and has 2 years of experience under his belt, while the challenger has the same first two qualities; but she has a lot more experience… I mean too much to be ignored. But then again, it might be time for a change, let the next generation take over… much like I thought with my run at Little Rock. What the hell do I know? But my vote is going to Judy Roy.

My prediction?

Floyd “Buck” Jourdain – 2,421 votes
Judy Roy - 2,487 votes

William “Billy” Greene – 309 votes
Harlan Beaulieu - 125 votes

I don’t even know where those numbers came from. They’re just off the top of my big fat bald head. Are those even an accurate number of eligible voters? Who cares, man! It’s all wrong! Woohoo!!!

Good luck and sh!t to all, except Harlan Beaulieu. Nah, I’m just kidding, Harlan. No I’m not.

Oh yea, I was interviewed by Dalton Walker today at the store so watch for the story in tomorrow’s Star Tribune or late tonight at www.startribune.com.

Easy Like Tuesday Morning

2006-07-18T03:10:00.000-05:00

071806
0242 Hours

Ah, so we meet again at a late hour. It seems that I can only think at times like this. Well, that’s a lie. It’s the only time when I can get some quiet time with my kids running around the ranch all day. Speaking of kids, I don’t know why kids like coming over here. Every time I see some nieces or nephews, I always get, “Can I come over?” So there’s my reason for being such a late writer.

But I have found out what the plan is for one LJR. I’m going into biz for myself. It’s a creative outlet for me along with getting paid on the side. What is it, you ask? Well, I’m not telling until it’s in the bag. It might, as my nephews say, “Get jacked.” Tomorrow I’m going to take the Treasurer up on his offer on his open door policy and try to get some guidance since the other council members are walking on eggshells right about now. So that will be “… To be continued.”

As for other crap of the day… we practiced for the first time since we were spared the weather of hell. Which reminds me, the youth team has a game in Ponemah today (7/18/06) at 6:30pm. So come on out and cheer the future athletes of the Red Lake Nation! If you dare ta!

As I was re-reading my previous posts, I realized that I was pretty hard on a candidate by questioning his place of residence (has anybody done that yet?) and for that, I don’t apologize. Am I purposely being mean? Of course not. I’m just having a little fun at their expense. When you get put in the public eye, you’re going to get that, right? Actually, I don’t know. I’ve never really been in the public eye before. But anyway, I just thought it was funny that Little Rock finally got some ink in the “OjibNews” for once. Speaking of which, Why do we even need a representative? We don’t have a post office. We don’t get to consider ourselves from “Little Rock, MN.” Our fields, basketball courts and “playground” get the attention of a red-headed stepchild. Maybe that’s just me who thinks that. I know I took my team away from that field because of the graffiti and broken up dugouts so they wouldn’t get hurt. Plus, last year there was a scuffle between a team and someone that lives over there. So until that place gets cleaned up, I’ll keep going to the RL fields… at least they have water over there. I would like to see someone do what Toady Thunder does with the field in Redby. Build a food stand and have a league or something. Maybe that’s what I’ll do if that idea doesn’t “Get “Jacked.”

Where's "Hay Bales" From?

2006-07-16T16:37:00.000-05:00

071606
1601 Hours

What is a fat guy to do with the weather being the way it is? It’s suffocating out there! While on my way to Bemidjiigamaag on Friday, I was listening to the radio, the free kind, and the guy on there gave the forecast for the weekend and had me excited when he said, “It looks like a nice weekend,” and then he lost me with, “with the temperatures around the upper 90s.” What?! Who considers that nice weather? Satan? Good lord. But we went to the “Cut-off” yesterday so I could try and tan my, as my wife calls them, “other pair of socks.” Yeah, I have white feet, so what?! But all I did was get hot feet. At least I added another shade to the guns though. Why do they call it the “Cut-off?”

As for today, I was sitting watching the Twins, which I rarely do because I’m stupid and pledge my undying devotion to the Cubs in hopes that someday it will all work out (23 years later, I’m still waiting)… wait, where was I? Oh, yeah… the Twins… I was thinking about how it would suck to be the current boyfriend of one of Joe Mauer’s ex-girlfriends. I mean, where the hell can you take her? Everywhere you go in the state is Joe Mauer, the homegrown All-Star catcher for the state’s pro baseball team. How can you compete with that? Just wondering.

As for the remainder of my last 74 years of life, I plan on doing stuff. Right now, I’m working on 3 different stories at the same time. Why 3 stories at the same time? Because I’m one of those scatter brains that refuses to get tested for ADHD so I can blame my inadequacies on the untreated ADHD. It’s all in the plan, baby. But once I started on the first story, I had another idea for a story, so I started on that. Then when that one got going, I had another idea, so I started in on the third one. As of right now, the first story has a page and half, the second has three and a half and the last story has two pages. I have 3 different types of stories, a drama, a comedy, and a horror/slasher, and I’m actually motivated about all of them.

What brought on this bout of motivation? The lack of jobs available for one. A few posts ago I did a sample of the jobs available to the members of Red Lake and employment didn’t look too promising after that, even with my education. So I’m out making my own way. As for how I’ll get paid for it, that has yet to be determined. As of right now, I’m looking for funding for movie equipment. Wait, this sounds like a lot of work. Plus how cool is going to be to put "Producer" in the occupation blank?

They called him “Hay Bales.” Speaking of which, shouldn’t someone protest his place of residency? If I finished 3rd, I would. But unfortunately, I finished 8th. Stupid lack of support!!!

Update 071606

2006-07-16T04:25:00.000-05:00

071606
0347 Hours

These late nights of motivation must have the blogging public thinking that I’m fresh off a stint at the “Regal Beagle.” I assure you I’m not. And for those of you that don’t know what the “Regal Beagle” is, you have made me feel my age. Google it. That’s old school.

I say nights because, except last night, I’ve been up writing stuff. Nothing in particular, just stuff to keep me busy. But while doing so, it has me excited about the prospect of doing this for a living. With all job prospects slowly falling off the table like the silverware off of the dinner tables of the Titanic as it was going down, I find myself looking to my small talents for employment. How am I going to make this a reality? I have no idea. But it’s a start I guess. My laziness and inability to stay focused for more than a few hours has me leaning toward short stories, maybe graphic novels if I can get the wife to dust off her artistic abilities.

Another vision I have is movies. As to how I’m going to do that, I can not share. It’s top secret. So as soon as I can gather up some better equipment, the world will see itself through the eyes of the fat lazy kid! Or something like that. I suppose I could use a better blurb for my first feature film.

Election Day is 3 days away! Doesn’t it feel like the two toughest kids in school are going to be getting it on in the hallway after 3rd hour? (That’s what we used to call class times back in the 90s.) It’s getting down to the bloomers now. The incumbent and the challenger have been fairly quiet. The only interesting news is coming from “The Ojibwe News” with letters coming from supporters of the challenger only. Being that it’s Mr. Lawrence’s paper, he can do what he wants. What would have done me some good was to have a debate. I mean, there is only so much you can believe from the papers and gossip. Since neither candidate came to visit me, I can only go by what was offered in the literature and by what I’ve seen. And what I’ve seen is that Judy Roy has more to offer with her experience, history as a public servant and maybe a few less distractions than the incumbent. Like I said earlier, I am voting for Judy Roy… not that anybody cares.

As for others I’ll be putting my confidence in:

Secretary: Jody Beaulieu

Little Rock: Despite Harlan Beaulieu’s last second effort to dazzle the voting public with big words in his response to the Spaulding guy (and waaaaaaaay later I might add… did he just hear about that story? They don’t have Pioneer delivery or internet access on his farm?), I’m going with William Greene. But speaking of farms (“Hay Bales”… that was a good one in the “OjibNews”), I heard about Mr. Beaulieu living somewhere off the REZ earlier too. Like I’ve said earlier, I think we should start all over with this fancy election stuff. And yes, despite my earlier declaration, I am a little bitter. WHO’S WITH ME?!?!?!

P.S. And no, I didn’t get e-mails and comments like the big sites get, so that’s why none were posted.

Psych!

2006-07-12T23:58:00.000-05:00

071206
2315 Hours

“I’m back.”—Michael Jordan’s letter to David Stern in 1995

Yeah, I retired as a blogger, but now I’m back.

(By the way, that's old school lingo in the title of this post. And yes, I am a nerd.)

With another couple of jobs not being worked by me, it is time to find something that I like to do. What is that? I have no idea. I like to play softball, eat hot wings, watch TV… anybody have anything like that for a bro to do for a living? I didn’t think so.

Well, with only 2 more openings to look at, it seems that the Red Lake Nation doesn’t need educated members to help with anything. It looks like the office stuff isn’t going to work out for me like it did at Gaming. Even though the education says otherwise, RL doesn’t think I’m ready. Fine, I say. Fine. In the words of Journey, I say to you, the blogging public, “So now I coooooooome to you… with ohhhhhhpen arms…” Where else you gonna get a blogger quoting Journey? I have way too much time on my hands.

Though I could go on and on about me not getting hired… I won’t. It’s been done over and over again. I will just move on to something else I would like to do. Again, I have no idea what that is.
My ideal job would be something like Whitney Matheson or Bill Simmons, who write about stuff people are interested in. They are my idols so far. As my 5 loyal readers may attest to, I am the “Alco” to their “Walmart”… or something like that.

So from now on, there will be nothing but writing and writing from me until my hand turns into a claw that I almost got during finals of my “People and the Environment” class this past spring. Speaking of that class, I was able to turn my 62% up to a 71% that last month. It’s not much to be proud of, but it’s a start.

As for the last post, someone had a Coke before bedtime and was on a caffeine/sugar high until 5am.

Now that the election is getting closer and closer, I will officially end my election challenge. Nobody showed up. Hey man, I offered. Speaking of which, on my way to Redby, I noticed a few of Judy Roy’s signs had been spray painted over. It just goes to show the lack of respect that people have for one another around here. Though that had nothing to do with who I’m going to vote for, I have made a decision; my vote is going to Judy Roy. Don’t get me wrong, I think Buck is a good guy. I just think that Mrs. Roy would be a better candidate to lead us to where we need to be. And let it be known, Lydell Jon Roberts has made his vote, uh... known. Some might say, “He has nothing to lose now, he didn’t get the jobs he put in for.” But I still have 2 more jobs I put in for and I’m waiting on the interview date. So suck on that!

Any questions? I’m taking questions all day via e-mail or the comment section (Just remember; keep it clean. This is a site for all ages.) Let me have ‘em! If I get any, I’ll post them. My idols do it, why can’t I?

Oh yeah, I requested a daytime show on Red Lake Radio! Now I just have to wait for a reply from the little fella.

That will be all!

By the way; you diggin' the Audioslave? Are ya? Huh? Are ya?

The Demise

2006-07-12T04:40:00.000-05:00

071206
0239 Hours

Gawdam!!! I was so close to retiring as a blogger forever, you have no idea. I should though. It is time to grow up and be an adult that doesn’t sit in front of the computer for a few hours a day doing nothing in particular. Being that it looks like I’m ready to take over the world now that I have 10 weeks of rest, the first step would be to… actually, I don’t know what the first step would be. For those of you that have a firm grasp on the world; what’s a bro’s first step to be among you? Though I hate to, I mean, I’m 13 pounds lighter since I quit work and graduated college. Why would I put myself back into the stressful world of regular-adult living. Coaching and playing softball, taking afternoon naps, hanging out with my kids have been the most fulfilling things that I have ever done up to this point of my adult life. I’ll think of something.

Once again, I have strolled through the pages of MYSPACE for sheer entertainment. I don’t know why, I have no idea what most of the pages say with all of the snazz backgrounds and music. Being that I don’t partake in the fancy “networking” because I’m as cool as a cup of coffee, I find it interesting to read some of the blogs when they actually take the time to post one. As for the others with pages… that is neither here nor there. It’s not just MYSPACE that have a lot of my fellow RLers, there are quite a few other online journal sites that keep the reading interesting, though I will not elaborate. My point being is… uh… um… my point is that there are quite a few decent story tellers around here. I’m telling you, RL should get into the entertainment business! We’re going to miss out! I’m telling you.

Maybe it’s the booze-hound in my head that’s 54 weeks dead, maybe it’s my surroundings, maybe it’s my not wanting to empathize with those that have fallen hard. One thing is for sure though… I think too damn much when I’m not drinking! Maybe it is time to retire from blogging.

Signing off…

Pirate Rupert the Pink (if I were indeed a pirate)

Shifty Jackie Santoro (if I were one of T’s cappos)

Dank Ass Slim Jimma (if I were one of Snoop’s LBC bros)

The Words of Champ Kind

2006-07-07T22:25:00.000-05:00

070706
1526 Hours

While waiting an excruciating amount of time for that last post to finish, it occurred to me that I have a butt-load of typos in this blog. Since my ego doesn’t allow me to proof read, it looks like I could use an editor. Any volunteers?

I know what you’re thinking. Just because I don’t know who I’m going to vote for for chairman doesn’t mean I’m holding out on voicing my opinion due to repercussions. I’m an important member of the Red Lake community, right? Well, maybe not. Will or has this blog effected my ability to get hired in this town? Of course not. Why should it. Our sovereignty has nothing against free speech, does it? I don’t even know what that question means, just trying to sound smart.

One thing that I would do if I were in the Floyd “Buck” Jourdain campaign is take a slogan from Champ Kind and put a political spin on it. My sign would read, “It’s ChairMAN, not ChairLADY… and that’s a scientific fact!” since they’re going with movie themes. But that’s just me.

As you may or may not know, I’ve been alcohol-free for the past 54 weeks and jobless for the past 10 and I have enjoyed every single minute of it. But if and when I do get a job, the blogging will be put on the backburner because I’ve only been able to do this because of the amount of free time I have. These words are my own, they’re not meant to hurt anybody’s feelings, but if they do, tough. Oh, and I apologize. Some may think that I’m using this as a political strategy for the next election in 2008. Well, I assure you that I’m not. I should be out of here by then.

During these past few weeks of reflection it has occurred to me that I might have to give up the dream of being able to write for a living because, obviously, it won’t pay the bills. And Bill Lawrence hasn’t offered me a job. It’s kind of hard to chase childhood dreams when you have a house full of kids of your own that need to be fed, clothed, disciplined and all of that other parental stuff. I would’ve loved to try the Red Lake Radio deal but the last I heard from that was being that I was a candidate for an elected office; it wouldn’t be fair to other candidates. So I’m still waiting to hear on that.

But as for now, it will all be writing and expressing the views of a fat guy until I get a real job… or until someone wants to pay me to write. But I need and editor!

The Jonny R. Guide to Voting

2006-07-07T15:13:00.000-05:00

070706
1402 Hours

Another interview is in the books. With every passing interview, the confidence level sinks a little more. If these don’t work out… then what? We’ll cross that bridge when we get there I suppose. But for now, lets just keep rockin’ and rollin’! Woo!!!

With Election Day getting closer and closer and no candidates knocking on my door, I have come to the conclusion that my vote doesn’t matter. They don’t care if I vote for them or not. With that being said, let me introduce “The First Annual Jonny R. Election Thing.” As to what that is… I don’t know. Lets just break down the races; one by one.

Ponemah District: Clifford Hardy (incumbent) vs. Gary Nelson

Like the rest of the candidates, I don’t know either of them, though I used to bowl in the same league as Mr. Hardy back when I was a drunk. But I say, give someone else a chance. Maybe Mr. Nelson will be someone who will stand out among the rest of the council members. We need someone who will get in there and make some noise.

If I were to have a vote in the Ponemah district: Gary Nelson.

Redby District: Julius Thunder (incumbent) vs. Tom Westbrook

This is a close one. I’m glad I don’t live in Redby and have to vote. Too close for me, man. Redby is in a good spot to be able to choose from these two men.

Red Lake District: Donald Desjarlait (incumbent) vs. Lee Lussier, Jr.

I’m glad I don’t live in the Red Lake and have to vote for this one either, but for different reasons. I don’t know either of them personally, but… I don’t know. I guess we all have our pasts. It looks like everybody gets to have theirs forgotten. Good luck with that, Red Lake district voters.

Little Rock District: William Greene (incumbent) vs. Harlan Beaulieu

Well I’ll be… this is where I would’ve been had it not been for the lack of support (23 motherf*****’ votes! 23!) Being that I have slowly come to grasp the concept of my political demise at the hands of these two gentlemen (and 5 other candidates ahead of me), it is my duty as a citizen of the smallest district on the Red Lake Reservation to vote. When one votes, one can only go by the character of a candidate if he does not know the candidate, or if those candidates do not accept a challenge by a voting citizen of the Red Lake Nation. Since one of the candidates went out of his way to humiliate a voter by laughing in her face when she questioned a vacated council seat back in 2001, I must vote for the other, who stood up for a woman who was wronged at her job, the only one to stand up to her. The chairman didn’t, the secretary didn’t, the treasurer didn’t, the only representative that was at that May Tribal Council meeting to stand up for her (who along with myself, helped get back what was taken from her) is the one getting my vote. We need council members that dare to go against the grain if they feel it’s necessary. They are in there to represent us, and that’s what he did.

My vote for Little Rock: William Greene.

Secretary: “Jody” Beaulieu vs. Don Cook, Sr.

I don’t even have a doubt in my mind.

My vote for Secretary: “Jody” Beaulieu

Chairman: Floyd “Buck” Jourdain (incumbent) vs. Judy Roy

Tie. I’m still waiting for some convincing. Who wants my vote? Come get it. Help me out. I don’t know which way to go.

By the way, I don’t know if I said this before; but I would’ve been an awesome council member!

Jon Returns

2006-07-06T14:09:00.000-05:00

070606
1402 Hours

Did you enjoy the birthday of THEIR nation? The US is 230-years-old. I tell ya, it doesn’t look a day over 210. Just remember while you were out setting off fireworks that this country was built by a bunch of slave-owners that didn’t want to pay their taxes! I got that from “Dazed and Confused.” Who says TV rots your brain?

Also, the Red Lake Nation has been independent (kinda) for 117 years. Yeah, they can say we get handouts, but this was owed to us, man! Kill most of our people, turn us into you, and create your fancy religion so you can ask God for forgiveness for all that you’ve done to the original people! Curse you to heck, man! Curse you all to heck! But thank you for educating us so we can speak your language thus allowing me to vent and turn my words into verbal bows and arrows via Microsoft Word. And TV.

Okay, with that out of the way, let’s see what’s out in the world today.

It looks like we all survived the asteroid fly-by.

Is it just me, or are parades degrading? We all stand on the street to await stuff being thrown on the ground in our direction so we can eat it later. Maybe it's just me.

I saw “Superman Returns” last night and was very impressed by it all. Good deal. It started out with us showing up late, thus me holding in the soda I just guzzled down fighting back against the hottest wings known to mankind via the chicken torturers at “KFC.” So while awaiting the beginning of the flick to see if the opening credits would include vital scenes, I couldn’t hold the soda back much longer. I made an important decision to hold it for 154 minutes. Then the opening credits came, much to my delight, without vital plot points. So I was off to the bathroom, faster than a speeding bullet… and wouldn’t you know it, the “Superman” music was playing while I was hurrying to the bathroom. I felt like opening up my shirt to reveal a scarlet “S” and taking my glasses off while going down the ramp of the theater. That made it the best movie ever. Plus it was a good movie anyway. I suggest it to all.

Slippin'

2006-07-03T15:56:00.000-05:00

070306
1424 Hours

I’ve started this post over and over, not sure what to write. It started out with the usual nothing in particular, deleted it, then turned into the memoirs of a lazy kid, deleted it and the beginning of my first ever rap song and it went a little something like this…

Ungh… alright, listen… ungh…

And then I drew a blank. It’s a start I guess.

But maybe rappin’ it up isn’t going to work out for me. I shall leave that to the lyrically gifted.

Speaking of rap, Lil’ Kim is out of prison! Is it me, or is she not very good looking like a star should be?

Speaking of rap Vol. II, has anyone seen Nelly? What about 50 Cent? Was “Get Rich or Die Tryin” that bad of a movie? I know I didn’t bother to see it. Maybe it was.

I had a discussion last night with the wife and I declared that rap will go out like disco in about 14 months. Actually, I just threw the 14 months in there just now. I predicted the fall of boy bands because it just got too ridiculous, much like most of the rappers now. I blame Master P and his “Make ‘em say, unghhhhhh… unghhhh… nah nah nah naaaaah!” So point your anger at Percy Miller, not me. His name is Percy.

What’s on my “ipod” you ask? Well, I have Fort Minor’s “The Rising Tied” (only a couple of good songs, nothing really to brag about and they spelled “Tide” wrong… oh, that was deliberate?), Kanye West’s “Late Registration” (he thinks he’s so bad-ass, he rhymes to elevator music… the bad-ass label can now be taken from Mr. West,) Blink 182’s “Greatest Hits” (all of the favorite’s are there, good stuff), Johnny Cash’s “The Legend of Johnny Cash” (enough said) and Angels and Airwaves “We Don’t Need to Whisper” (sounds like all of the Blink 182 songs Tom Delong sang, inspirational, no complaints), plus the usual B.I.G. “Juicy” and “Goin’ Back to Cali” and Jay-Z’s “Dirt off Your Shoulder.”

It took me 86 minutes to write nothing! I’m slipping.

Being a Faazhaa

2006-07-02T20:51:00.000-05:00

070206
2027 Hours

As the years keep on flying by, it has come to my attention that I may not be prepared for what lies ahead of me. Fatherhood, husband(ness?), manhood and the rest of the morsels of life that have many tricks hiding behind the mask of eternal happiness. (I don’t even know what most of that means, it just came out of nowhere.)

While sitting in my office going through the USA Today and last month’s Maxim, it had me thinking about what I can and can’t do as a father these days. And to be quite honest, I’m afraid of what my kids are going to go through while growing up. Like most parents, I want to shield them from all of the horrible things that happen on a daily business. But there are days when they ask me what the war in Iraq is about. How do I answer a question like that? And what the hell is an 8-year-old doing asking me about the war in Iraq?! I don’t remember what I said, but it was about freeing people from a bad president or something like that.

Another thing is that I have to get rid of all of my periodicals. Maxim has man stuff in it. The articles aren’t for kids, especially young girls. So I have to find a new way of killing time on the toilet—I mean, hanging out in my office! I also remember a Rolling Stone had a checklist of how to make crystal meth and shots of R. Kelly’s romp with a lady MUCH younger than him, if you know what I mean.

I don’t know what is on the horizon for me as a father and my kids growing up, but it’s a scary thought. The internet is the best/worst thing ever created. It shows kids the world, regardless of the content. It’s there for the world to see, regardless of age. When I think of when I grew up, there were a lot of things that I shouldn’t have seen. But now, it’s just unbelievable. And how awful is “San Andreas?” Yet I was just able to pull myself away.

How do I do this parenting stuff? Does anyone know? How much longer can we shelter their innocent eyes from all the world has to offer?

I’m scared. Who needs a drink? Speaking of which, I’m starting to get bored with talking about my alcohol-free life. That must be good, right? 373 days of bliss. I figure I have about another 70 years of life left in me and the alcohol will be long forgotten by the time I sell all of my sports teams I’m going to buy and retire to Big Stone when I’m 100.

“Entourage” in 15 minutes!!!

The Babbler

2006-07-02T15:02:00.000-05:00

070206
1459 Hours

The holiday weekend can't stop me! I'm UNholdDOWNable! (my new word for the month of July... is that even a word? It is now.) Maybe that could be my rap name or my entourage. I just made that up! Woo!

But anyway, while cruisin' RLNN.com I once again took a trip to a couple of the RL musicians' MYSPACE sites and was once again impressed with the creativity displayed. The visual thing from Emcee Edge was pretty cool. When I joke that I want to rap, that's all it is. I know I don't have what it takes... maybe an Andy Milonakis type of rap thing, but just for fun. These guys are very talented and they deserve all of the recognition they get. Nicely done.

But with all of my verbal shenanigans, I'm probably hurting any credibility that could come my way by just going on and on about nothing in particular. But who cares? It's fun to write (type) and write (type) anything I want. Nobody pays attention to me anyway. I figure I'm responsible for about 200 of my blog visits, so that 1,400+ is bloated with 14.3% of those coming from me checking the count... the male ego is a delicate creature. But then again, 1,200 visitors is a lot too.

Speaking of shenanigans, since the Little Rock Candidates forum in May, I've been waiting to use the word, "shenanigans" because of Francis "Chunky" Brun, who used it in one of his responses. If there had been another forum or had I been able to continue on to the next round of the election process, you could bet your sweet ass I would've used shenanigans over and over and over.

And speaking of Mr. Brun, like I earlier noticed, his credentials were impressive. I mean, he had the tools of being an effective leader of the Red Lake Nation. Yeah, he is an old school type of guy (and I mean old school, when men were men and worked in the woods and built stuff), but if you look back to the '50s and '60s, there weren't the problems that we have today. Everybody respected everybody. There weren't the dependencies we have today. Could we have gone back to those days? Probably not. But with his knowledge and experience, we could have been set in that direction. Now that's not saying the 2 finalists (not to make this sound like a talent competition now) aren't capable of that, it's that his record was very impressive. Too impressive to be ignored like it was.

The Ramble

2006-07-01T15:21:00.000-05:00

What did I sign in for today? Oh, that's right! I was going to kick out some fresh rhymes like Andy Milonakis. But, since the Word is down, I've lost my confidence.

On to other topics.

While reading the Ojibwe News today, it made a compelling argument as to why I should vote for Judy Roy. On the other hand, the youthful enthusiasm of the current chairman shouldn't be overlooked either. Hmm... I still don't know which way I'm going to go. But in that current edition of the OjibNews, it has a ridiculous piece about "The Bad Guys Guide to Running for Chairman," or something stupid like that. The more I read of Mr. Lawrence's paper, the less respect I have for it. But if you can control the media, you are much stronger than I. The OjibNews is becoming the "The Star" or "Enquirer" to me now. There isn't much to believe, but the stories are so ridiculous, they're entertaining. I want to write for a newspaper! Any openings Mr. Lawrence? I am a voice of "Gen X.5" and we will not be ignored any longer! Or something cool and rebellious like that.

Nobody has come to my door as of yet. Not one single candidate has stepped up and accepted my invitation to tell me why us voters should vote for them. All candidates are welcome, regardless of district. I'm starting to feel unimportant.

Linx

2006-06-29T15:47:00.000-05:00

I wanna be a rapper now. Check this out. (Being the responsible parent I am, I must warn you... there are explicit lyrics on here.)

This is why I’m glad I quit drinking. At least I THOUGHT I was a good dancer.

Sucks to be Zab Judah this night.

I can’t wait for this one.

And yes, I do have too much time on my hands.

P.S. I would like to thank "The Sports Guy" Bill Simmons for showing me the way... to awesome clips!

Thinking Out Loud

2006-06-29T13:51:00.000-05:00

062906
1324 Hours

Last night’s loss has me feeling violated. It was just a dirty beating. I felt like a hooker who was holding out on her pimp and he knew it… AND he got his money anyway! Stupid softball!

Yeah, but anyway… it’s been a solid 2 months since I’ve been retired and I’m still loving every minute of it. I shouldn’t be, but I am. I think this is the most time I’ve spent at home ever. Before it was school and work every day, from 6AM to bedtime, now that drinking is no longer a problem, I feel more at peace with the world and have learned to appreciate… nothing! You thought I was going to go all soft and sensitive! Ha! Just because I have 3 daughters doesn’t mean I’m that way. But I’m trying. NO I’M NOT! But I do enjoy being at home every day with my family. I can’t say the same for them though. I think they’re all sick of me by now. TOUGH!

“Superman Returns” came out yesterday and it looks quite good. But 2 ½ hours seems a bit long for me. If I remember correctly, the long running-time didn’t help “King Kong” that much. I thought that was a pretty good movie, it was just a bit too long. But what the hell do I know about movies. I only picked 4 out of 5 of the Oscar winners in March. Then again, I thought “Narnia” was going to bomb. So who knows?

As of today, no one has yet accepted my offer to visit the ranch to tell me why I should vote for them. Not one candidate. One thing I did forget was to extend that challenge to the RL District candidates. Why bother? I’m only a single voice. My vote won’t matter. If that’s the case, I’ll just go on more of my rants with no really solid data on what I say. I’m not trying to be Bill Lawrence of the blogworld, I’m just saying what needs to be said… sometimes. Honestly, I’m a little worried about this batch of candidates. This is the future of our nation? Well, it’s only until 2010. 2010?!?!?! That seems so far away!

Staying on the topic of elections, is it me, or doesn’t it seem like all council members would support each other? They have to work with each other quite a bit. So you would think that it would be awkward that some council members have signs that support the challenger in the Treasurer race. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s not just me. Who knows?

What do you think of the new/old song? In my older years, I have come to appreciate the awesomeness of Metallica. Rock and roll!

The Rant: Volume II

2006-06-28T22:34:00.000-05:00

062806
2201 Hours

First of all, let me start out by thanking Chris J. for defining what he does. And I’m sooooo sorry for calling your deal a pyramid. I was just using the term Judy Roy used a few years back. Sorry, bro. But technically, if you’re in sales, you can make more than your director, manager, supervisor and stuff by commission, baby!

Back to the jobs rant, there aren’t enough around here. We need a big-ass factory to get jobs out to the people, a factory that makes furniture perhaps. Everybody needs furniture. Or shoes. What about like Anderson Fabrics? Now I’m not too sure what the hell they make, but last time I looked it up, fabric makes clothes, and everybody needs clothes at a decent price. We need everyday items that we can all afford without going all the way to Bemidji every payday. With the store we have, those prices are ridiculous. They should have prices that can fit into the budget of a family of 4 or 5 (or even more) who has to struggle payday to payday if they are one of the fortunate 800-1,000 members who have a job. A lot of Red Lake homes are single-parent families who can barely afford Red Lake Food prices. The store should be a place for us to go to without worrying about the high prices. It’s for us, so why aren’t the prices for us? AND GAS?!?!?! Get the f*** outta here with those prices! Ridiculous.

… and breathe…

Again, I have no idea where that came from. Now I need a loan to build a factory to make some clothes for my peeps.

Who’s up for a new song?

Cedric the Dog

2006-06-28T12:32:00.000-05:00

My newest animal.

The Rant: Continued

2006-06-28T12:17:00.000-05:00

062706
1136 Hours

Okay, where was I, something about my generation (Talkin’ bout my geeeeeeneration!) Oh yeah, maybe it’s the sting of my first and only political loss, but it looks to me that we will, as Natives of this fine land, always be stuck in a rut. Change is what I hear being asked for, yet none is being done. Being out of work for the past 2 months (by choice) has shown me what it’s like out there for the unemployed. There aren’t many opportunities around Red Lake. All of the jobs are taken. Simple math will show us that. I figure, now this is just a rough (and I mean gravel rough) estimate. The last time I heard, there were about 5,000 or so members living on the reservation. We have 2 casinos within a 55 mile radius, so that’s about 300 jobs. Other programs in Red Lake, that’s about another, hmmm… 300-500 jobs (if we’re lucky.) So we’re looking at around 800 members with jobs in Red Lake… give or take a few hundred. Now remember, this is all off the top of my head. I don’t know the exact number of people employed in Red Lake. But a few years ago, I did a 10-page paper on the Red Lake economy at BSU (and I stayed at a Holiday Inn once) so I know what I’m talking about… a little bit. That leaves me to ask, “What is everybody else supposed to do?” We have around just fewer than 4,000 people that don’t have jobs. How are they supposed to feed their families? What is being done? Shouldn’t drastic measures be taken to ensure the welfare of our people? We have some handy people around here that are resourceful. They can build houses, make clothes, and use their creativity to come up with ideas for other ventures. Lack of faith from those that control the works is what keeps us from doing this. Then again, maybe that lack of faith is because of the way we live. It’s all an endless cycle I suppose. People don’t have jobs so they find ways to stay occupied, picking up bad habits. Then when they get hired, the bad habits will always be there, keeping the success rate low, thus beginning the lack of faith in workers.

Wait! What the hell did I just say?! I have no idea where that came from! This was supposed to be about my generation (Talkin’ bout my geeeeeeneration!)

This is all from experience, baby! My 401k lasted for a few weeks, I liquidated some assets… you know, business stuff. But while waiting for the word on a few jobs, I’ve pondered business ventures. Not the pyramid stuff I’ve been offered when I said I wanted to work from home (thanks for the offer, Chris J.) My grass was pretty long and turned into hay so maybe I could sell hay. Anybody know of anyone wanting to buy some hay? Anyone? Maybe I could do an underground card room like in “Boiler Room.” Or maybe I could run moonshine and have my nephews take it around the county like Uncle Jesse had Bo and Luke doing for him in Hazzard County in the 70s. Would “runnin’ shine” and bootlegging be considered the same thing? Maybe I could bootleg and capitalize off of the addictions of my people after hours. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there? At least it’s not crack/coke/meth. Oh, there is? Well, why did… never mind.

Good lord, I would’ve been an awesome representative.

Why Victor?!

2006-06-27T12:38:00.000-05:00

062706
1224 Hours

Entering my 9th week as a retired 30-year-old man, many new revelations have come to me by way of television. One is that THE Victor Newman is becoming an old man! Sad but true. Another, while we’re on the topic of Y&R, is that they all dress so glamorous, sip wine in the afternoon, design fancy items, have big city problems… IN WISCONSIN!!! Isn’t that where Genoa City is? The last time I was in Wisconsin there was nothing but cheese signs everywhere and those hell-bound, no-good for nothing Packers (BOO!!! Retire already, Favre!!!)

Being from the generation that grew up on “The Smurfs” and “The A-Team,” and made Nirvana, 2Pac, and B.I.G. what they are today, one has to wonder what’s next for the new generation of leaders. I have to wonder that because it looks like we are being overlooked. WTF?!

This just in… nephews are coming over! The nephews are coming! The nephews are coming! That will be all for now, I will continue with this rant later on.

The 366th

2006-06-25T07:07:00.000-05:00

062506
0639 Hours

ARE YOU READY?!?!?! I’m not. That was just the Fort Minor in the background to get me fired up for the day. But anyway, after being awaken by my dogs (no, I don’t mean my friends or “homeboys”) who were escorting a drunk off the property that wondered in from the woods, it occurred to me that while I’ve been asleep, others are out celebrating the anniversary of my first year without a drink. ONE FULL YEAR WITHOUT A SIP OF ALCOHOL! Holy schnikeys! I never thought it would get this far, really. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days, days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months turned into a year. And here I am, one year later. Who needs a drink?!

With the whole year thing out of the way, I need something else to dominate. Softball is going well for once. Right now, after 5 weeks, we stand at 3-2. That’s right! We’re over .500. Last season at this time we were 0-5. I’ve only given up one homerun SO FAR. I expect that to multiply by 10 when we play Little Rock though. So I think that world is under control.

What else is there for me? Now that it’s been 56 days of sweet retirement, I believe it’s time to get back out there and get a job. I hate to, but I can’t live like this forever. 3 interviews down, 1 more application to turn in, and I think I’m ‘ret to go!

After minutes of research on how to make a movie, it has shown me that I’ll need about $15,000 to make my own. And that’s just a small independent one! Since my script is about 8% done (yeah, I said 8 %!), it shouldn’t be long before I’m looking to get the equipment. Anybody want to be in a movie? I know how the soundtrack is going to go: a little Johnny Cash… and that’s pretty much all I have for now. Oh yeah, a little Red Lake Hip-Hop-anonymous would do if they want to donate some “tracks.” That’s what we call songs in the entertainment bizz. I think.

After a few days of the “Jonny R. Election Challenge,” nobody has stepped forward to accept. I just want to know why I should vote for you. I’m not going to humiliate you, for crying out loud. It’s just that I always here this door-to-door business and nobody has done that at my ranch since the 2002 election season. And that was just the one time. I STILL don’t know who I’m going to vote for.

As for now, I’ve got only 5 days to finish up my script because my free trial of Microsoft Office runs out on the 30th. Yeah, I’m a cheap old man, so what?

Ohhhh, You Betcha!

2006-06-23T11:05:00.000-05:00

062306
1048 Hours

Another interview is in the books. I think I nailed that one like a cheap… uh, nail, too. These are the kinds of jobs I’ve always wanted, the kind where I feel like I’m doing something with my life. And if those don’t work out, I am still waiting for offers to start flowing in to be a writer at some magazine or website like “The Sports Guy” or the “Pop Candy” lady does. SOMETHING!!! ANYTHING!!!

But last night I had a mission to raise some money to get to Minneapolis tonight for the weekend. Why you ask? Because the Cubs are in town! Yes, the Chicago Cubs! Though my first shot a winning, the 7 Clans Casino-Red Lake, like Dirk Nowitzki, went down in flames in crunch time. So I have a few hours to come up with a few hundred. Hmmm… I wonder. I’ll think of something… I’m a survivor.

Wednesday night we had a game and came away with an extra-innings win, 15-14. And for the first time in a while, I came through in crunch time by driving in the tying run. I was going for the walk-off homerun, but that will suffice for now I guess. It was a good old-fashioned slug fest. They were up by seven, then we came back to lead by four, they came back to take the lead in the top of the seventh, we tied it back up in the bottom of the seventh, mowed ‘em down in the eighth, and put them to sleep in the bottom of the eighth. Good times.

As for the rest of the day, my girls are pretty fired up for some extra softball practice. So the scheming for Cubs tickets and travel money will have to hold off for a while. But don’t get me wrong; I AM GOING TO AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE GAMES! You betchyour balls I am! Because I am now a crunch time player, baby!!!

Oda Hell!

2006-06-22T22:31:00.000-05:00

062206
2158 Hours

As I close in on one full year of sobriety, it has occurred to me that I might be cured! Are alcoholics always considered “recovering?” Or is there a point where we are considered “recovered?” I need a call on this. Anyone?

9 million walleye my a$$!

Though I doubt there are that many chemically enhanced fish out on our lake, I have had more than my fair share of walleye dinners, with only one being from my catches. I laugh in the face of neurotoxins! Hee-hee!

I was going to go cut the grass at the RL softball fields the other day out of the generosity of my fat heart, but it seems that job has been already contracted out to a lawn mowing firm. As of this evening, it still hasn’t been done. Maybe they’re waiting until the weeds turn green because the sprinklers were on tonight. Up next: the Little Rock field. Give a bro some paint and I’ll have that sum b**** lookin’ like a hundred bucks!

Well, I still haven’t had any candidates show up for a visit, even though it’s only the second day of the “Jonny R. Election Challenge.” If the candidates want to set up a meeting, e-mail me at lydelljroberts06@hotmail.com. If you dare… muhahahahahaha! Just kidding.

Another interview tomorrow! I have to get at least one of these jobs. And to show those employers that I’m not as lazy a slacker as I appear to be, I have eliminated the midday naps. Instead, I’m starting to sleep in until noon. So suck on that!

I Challenge Thee!

2006-06-21T15:46:00.000-05:00

062106
1531 Hours

I don’t know what that previous post was about. I’m going to pull an “Uncle Leo” here and go with “I’m old… I’m confused!”

But anyway… election time is creeping up on us. July something rather is right around the corner. So today, I am inviting—no, challenging-- all candidates to stop by my home so I can ask them questions; one on one, just a good old-fashioned talk; man-to-candidate, have them tell me why I should vote for them. Convince me, damn it! Of course, I’ll share what we talk about in the people’s blog. So remember it, write it down, take a picture, I don’t give a f***! My challenge was made 062106, 1539 hours, Little Rock Standard Time. I’m awaiting your visit, Floyd “Buck” Jourdain, Judy Roy, “Jody” Beaulieu, Don Cook, Sr., William Greene, and Harlan Beaulieu. Ah hell, even Toady and Jambi and Clifford Hardy and Gary Nelson can stop by too. Might as well get everybody involved. Refreshments will be served if you bring some and will not sway me to vote for you.

So there it is. Who will accept? Anyone?

Who will you vote for? Leave a comment. You may remain anonymous if you like.

Ozzie Speaks

2006-06-21T15:31:00.000-05:00

062106
1504 Hours

Is there no more speaking one’s mind without repercussions? Ozzie Hatin' What is this world coming to when a Venezuelan manager of a world champion of a professional sports team in the US can’t share his displeasure of a writer by calling him a homosexual slur? He obviously isn’t a homophobe. He has gay friends, attends WNBA games (?!?!?!), went to a Madonna concert and plans on going to the “Gay Games” in Chicago (there’s a thing called the “Gay Games?”)

Sorry Ozzie, you’re busted. In these PC times, you have to watch what you say. This is another example of the importance of education. I don’t know how you would address this issue. You’re questioning his courage so you call him a homosexual slur? I… no comment. See, that’s not hard to do. No comment. In the words of Brad Hamilton: Learn it. Know it. Live it.

Other thoughts on this topic: Did you see “The Sopranos” this season? I don’t know about you, but seeing Vito get his gay on and getting it on with his fireman left me a little uneasy so I covered my eyes. Does that make me a homophobe? Am I supposed to be talking about this? It’s all your fault Ozzie Guillen!

Thou Art Back

2006-06-21T11:10:00.000-05:00

I pity the fools who dare read this! What would this world be had not Mr. T. graced us with his awesomeness? Undisciplined I tell ya.

Now that the construction on my ranch is complete, I can now go back to L-I-V-I-N. I can go back to my usual retired lifestyle with surfin' the net, watching TV, gaining weight, wishing I had past glories in my high school days to reflect upon and midday naps. Once again, I would recommend them for all. But I don't call them naps, I call it "recharging." That way it sounds like you actually did something to recharge from. And a lot cooler.

But anyway, interview numero two, uh... oh, came and went by on Monday and went quite well I'm hoping. And no, I didn't mention my ability to be awesome 24/7 this time around because I didn't freeze as much as I did during my last interview. Speaking of which, I didn't get the Prevention Specialist job. Which was good, because as a parent and being alcohol-free for 362 days, what the hell do I know about keeping kids busy and away from drugs and alcohol? No, that wasn't a shot. Or was it?

I don't know, bro... but I do know how awesome it is to be an uncle! You can say whatever you want to kids and they have to listen to you. You can be the disciplinarian to somebody else's kids if you see that they aren't acting right. Yeah, I'm strict and tough with my kids, why should I be any different to other kids? And that's what I'm here for. The "Master Uncle" Joe Roberts taught me well. He was the Obi to my Anakin... or the Yoda to my Luke... or, uh... either way, he taught me well.

Another thing that has me pretty excited? Getting old. I know that sounds crazy, but old people can say anything and it sounds smart. Really, go ask an old person something and they can end up telling you how they tied their shoes last week and it sounds like they're passing on the secret to everlasting life or undeciphered wisdom. I think about these things because I'm 30 and not getting any younger. So maybe, just maybe, I shall be full of wisdom someday. And how come everybody my age is getting gray hair and I'm not? Was I supposed to sign up for that somewhere? I demand an answer!

One more thing... GET TO WORK!!! Word around the campfire is that some tribal programs are losing their internet access. So I shall share an office secret with you: Open up Microsoft Word or Excel in another window, keep your internet in the other and when you sense a disturbance in the "Slacker Force" (don't worry, not everybody has it), jump to said Word or Excel like you were busy with an important company document. I liked to jump to Excel because it looks more important. Or you can just GET TO WORK!!!

Welcome, Gossipers!

2006-06-16T11:18:00.000-05:00

061606
1054 Hours

What a glorious morning! The air is thick with humidity, the sky is a murky gray color, leaving it uncomfortable for an afternoon nap, and the stories of blogs are running rampant with others’ take on another’s words. Well, mine anyway.

It seems “The Van DOWN BY THE RIVER!” is getting out to the gossip crowd (How are you? It’s good to have you chicky-checkin’ us out!) The new song is dedicated to each and every one of you… because it seems that I am indeed making you crazy with gossip by way of my take on life, thus words being added into my very own (somehow)… creating even more hilarious stories about my own life. Man, you crazy! So quit being adder-onners (my new word for the month of June) and just enjoy what life throws at me. We are “Kool and the Gang” and I hope you all are as well.

But anyway, if drunk dialers want to turn into drunk door-knockers, feel free, I have a “Bombat” at the front door… and by law, as it states in penal code 123.456, section A. paragraph b., of the Constitution, it clearly does state, and I quote “… if an intoxicated individual is on the doorstep of Jon, and he disagrees with his reason for knocking at an ungodly hour of the night, he, by law, has the right to use his “Bombat” to get his message across.” Or something like that.

With that being said, I leave you in the grace and favor of the Lord.

Can you dig it, suckaaaaaaaaah!!! (Does Booker T. still say that? If not, disregard. Is he still called Booker T.?)

Update 061506

2006-06-15T12:37:00.000-05:00

061506
1233 Hours

After a crushing defeat last night at the hands of Ponemah by the score of 9-7, one has to reflect on what life is all about. How could this world known as competitive softball be so cruel? Okay, maybe it’s not that hurtful of a loss, but still; a loss is a loss. WHY?!?!?!

Did anybody read that story in the Ojibwe News about the crackhead who does whatever to get her hands on her next fix? Who would share a story like that? I believe the problem is that bad, but to share a story like that would be… what’s the word; unheard of. Well, two-words. Overall, we should all be ashamed for what is happening to our beautiful young people. It’s not just the addicts and the suppliers, it’s everyone that has something to do with this problem. This is just a disturbing time overall. We are truly living in Hell. Shame on us all.

How would one go about dealing with this head-on? People say they know who the dealers are. What’s being done about it? It looks like nothing can be done because everybody is using and selling. Like the chairman said with our gaming staff, it could wipe out everyone we have. That is such a sad way of looking at our problems.

I STILL don’t know who I’m going to vote for. Convince me!

Day 355

2006-06-14T11:14:00.000-05:00

Day 355 of what you ask? That's how long I've been sober. Though I've been to Vegas (... baby! VEGAS!!!) and to a graduation party a few weeks ago, not one drop of alcohol has been through my system. Yeah, I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. No more stupid mistakes, no more wondering what I did the night before and no regrets. Heavier on my frame, lighter on the conscience. So there!

I hope you'll excuse another delay in the people's posts. My house is coming along nicely, which left me homeless for a few days and the stupid nerd allergies are doing quite the number on me. Plus with coaching and playing softball, there really isn't much time left over for bloggin'... even though I'm still retired for the time being.

I'm assuming they hired for the Prevention Specialist because they were on the council meeting agenda yesterday, so I should be hearing that they didn't hire me pretty soon. As for the other job, I haven't heard a thing yet. Job Counselors make some righteous bucks, so I'm kind of hoping for that one. But we'll see I suppose.

It looks like I made my point with the drunk dialers. But if anyone else wants to keep on waking us up at a ridiculous hour, bring it on! I will still be calling out drunk dialers.

With all that I say on here, I'm starting to think that I will soon be blacklisted from everything Red Lake. Well, somebody has to say it. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!?!

Any questions?

Goddamn, that was a boring post!!! I'll make up for it.

Ungah! Really Cheap!

2006-06-11T10:47:00.000-05:00

I hope you'll excuse my boring rant on the political situation here in Red Lake. How boring was that? I apologize for any inconvenience. NO I DON'T! It's just my old age getting the best of me.

While searching the information super highway, I thought I would take another peek at MYSPACE. I have a page but it's rarely used. But while going through the different pages, it occurred to me that I really am old. I went through rlnn.com where they have links to the Red Lake musicians and visited some of them. The music was pretty good, they have a nice sound to them. But while I was reading the "adds" and stuff, I kept clicking to see who was in their network, or whatever it's called, looking through blogs and whatnot... and I have to be honest; I had no idea what most of them said or meant! Now, I'm only 30-years-old and was known to "get jiggy with it" (is that still cool to say?) and stuff back in the day, but I was lost. Everybody acts and talks like a rapper nowadays and they lose me when doing so. Don't tell me I don't understand the rap game. I grew up on the mean streets of "Hooterville." Okay, that wasn't a very good example. The whole R&B/Hip Hop didn't get around to the "Rez" until about mid to late 80s. LL Cool J, Biz Markie, Run-DMC, Kool Moe Dee, Big Daddy Kane... ah yeah, that's old school there! And then it got a little softer with MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, C+C Music Factory and Mr. Rico Suave himself, Gerardo (don't lie, you were jammin' to those too!) Up next was slower, sexy jams like (my all-time favorite) Keith Sweat, Jodeci, R. Kelly, H-Town, Boyz II Men, Silk and whoever you can think of. After that was what we have now, "Gangsta." It was cool back in the day with N.W.A., Snoop, 2Pac and B.I.G. But somewhere along the line, it just got out of hand, with "ho's, b-words (I'm a father now, so my f-bombs are severely censored... most of the time anyway), money, guns and whatever else they rap about. Hopefully the Native Hip Hop will save the day. Good luck with that.

Wait! Where the hell did I get off track?

Political Ramblings

2006-06-11T09:06:00.000-05:00

With that out of the way, on to more important stuff.

I just finished reading the Ojibwe News with my morning cereal and I have to say that I am shocked (shocked I tell ya) to read all of the anti-chairman letters. Well, not really. We are clearly not one with, uh... whatever we're supposed to be one with. This is going to be one of the most intense elections that I have ever seen in my 30 years, even though I've only paid attention to the last 16 years or so of politics. In... ter... esting.

You know, I'm all for free speech and stuff, but when a majority of the letters sent to Bill Lawrence are published without a name, it's kind of hard to judge how credible the source is. Standing up for what you believe in, risking all that you have for the sake of your argument is what free speech is all about. But I could be wrong. Don't get me wrong, I applaud those that have the courage to speak up. It's just that I don't see that being the way to get your message across. I especially applaud Barb Beaulieu for the letter she wrote and signed.

As for what is being said in the OjibNews, I can see both sides to this argument. I just don't take anybody else's word for it. I'm not blind, I see the signs, the supporters and other things. One way to say it, like those in the ON, is that the chairman is supporting the alleged drug dealers just because there are signs in certain peoples yards (they are alleged because I haven't heard of any raids or convictions... now the stories of the lack of laying down justice come into play here with all of the ex-employees, disgruntled or not, saying tips to those being raided kept them from prosecuting... but that's a whole 'nother story.)

Another way to see it is that the chairman is uniting the whole RL Nation; from alleged drug dealers to elders. After all, 47% is an impressive number when there are more than 2 candidates.

See? If you put enough spin or stink on your words, some people will agree with you. Thanks for the tip, Mr. Lawrence.

Then again, maybe I don't see it either of those ways because they both have flaws. Yeah, I said it! What?!

Now the way I see it, this coming from a man who is educated, both candidates have their flaws. The chairman has a cloud of controversy over his head with all that has happened in the past 15 months. But being a father myself, I know you never, AND THE ROCK (or Jon in this case) MEANS NEVER, talk about a man's family. I don't really know the chairman that well, so a personal evaluation on my part would be unfair to everyone. The challenger herself is not free of any wrong doing either. She has been our secretary for the past 12 years; 8 under B. Whitefeather, 2 under the late Butch Brun and the last 2 with our current chairman. Everyone always looks at our current debt and blames Mr. Whitefeather and former treasurer Dan King. How does her name always get overlooked? Whether or not she was in agreement with those that put us there, she was still there.

So there you have it. My words on the chairman race. I have more, you know. And I still don't know who I'm going to vote for.

Signed, LYDELL JON ROBERTS (What?!)

Update 6906

2006-06-09T10:34:00.000-05:00

After rereading yesterday's post, it looks like I was going into the political field. Actually, I did start writing about that. I was going to break down the candidates, Hubie Brown style. But after looking at what I had wrote and realizing how much more it would take, it just didn't seem like it would be worth it. Why? Well, "Blogger" has been having some technical troubles and I didn't want the info to get lost. So that was the reason for that last sentence. I wasn't trying to scare anybody. But if you were; beware! Just kidding. I'm sure the world (Red Lake) would like an unbiased view for once. And I for one can see what the candidates have and don't have. Ho'h yah uh?!

But that will come later when my house gets done.

Under Construction

2006-06-08T11:03:00.000-05:00

You'll have to excuse my lack of updates. My house is undergoing some construction and I had to suspend all everyday materials including internet, cooking, SLEEPING and other important stuff. So forgive me. But I hope you had a glorious 6/6/6! It looks like we all survived.

Right now I'm using my mom's access and have a lot of catching up to do. Over the past few days I've had so many thoughts about life here in Red Lake. Unfortunately, there is no method to my madness and most of those thoughts have perished in my head. But if you wait for the rotting smell of dead thoughts, maybe we'll find them together. Uh, I've said too much.

Earlier, I've said that I wasn't sure who I was going to vote for. I still don't know. No candidates have paid me a visit yet. Not even from my own district. "Well you didn't visit voters either when you ran!" you might say. And you would be correct in saying that. I didn't visit candidates because all of my info was online, being the first candidate to go the "Blog" route. In hindsight, overestimating the internet access for the Little Rock community was my downfall...that and I ONLY GOT 23 MOTHER******' VOTES!!! Curse this male ego of mine. It won't let this loss go. Now I'm upset again. I must go drown my sorrows in food. Oh, I'll be back. You candidates don't get off that easy. Every candidate in every district will be in the line of fire.

Restless... Again

2006-06-06T01:02:00.000-05:00

Well, since I got my ears and noses as my trophies of the day by way of mother and I getting her groove (pay) back, it's time to find a new cause. I liked the fact that I put my education to use for once. The reading and research I learned in college actually helped out. Thanks BSU! If there is anybody else who has been wronged by those "above" you, let a bro know with an e-mail. We'll pick apart some rules to restore justice... like Superman! Speaking of which, it's been moved up 2 days, which means I'll have to find a job 2 days earlier. BLAST!

With another application and my first ever resume' turned in today, I'm starting to feel like the 30-year-0ld man that I am. So far I've put in for a Prevention Specialist and Job Counselor. Like I said before, I think I nailed that Prevention Specialist interview like a cheap, uh... nail. But like every other big job on the R-E-Z, the tribal council will have the final say. But why should I not get any of these jobs? I'm educated, sober (it will be one full year 6/24/06), kinda smart and willing to help. My next application and resume' with cover letter is going to be for the opening at the Homeless Shelter. We'll see though. They better hurry up and hire me because I'm out of here come tax time. Since I'm laying the smack down on this blogworld, I thought I'd try to do the same with the outside world... put all the immigrants in their place. After all, everybody but us is an immigrant.

In closing, it looks like I'm getting a lot more visitors, just getting over 1k today. Thanks for checking it out. And to you Mr. King, thanks for the kind words. The Red Lake Nation has a bright future with young minds like yours. Don't hold back on your thoughts in the blogworld.

You stay classy, Red Lake.

Victoreeeeeeeee!

2006-06-05T14:42:00.000-05:00

That's my Johnny Drama from "Entourage" from "Viking Quest." Anybody know what I'm talking about? New "Entourage" starting Sunday!!! After that boring season of "The Sopranos" I need my faith restored in HBO.

But anyway, my shout of "Victory" had a purpose. My mom's bizz is straightened out. She got what she wanted back, so my axe is ground. Or is it grounded. You know, when someone says they have an axe to grind? Nevermind.

Again, we weren't trying to be difficult, we were just trying to get back what was unjustly taken from her. She got what she was seeking and that's that. It's over. We stood up for what we believed was right and in the end, we were successful. Good job, us.

Getting Dirrty

2006-06-05T11:35:00.000-05:00

060506
1133 Hours

Well I’ll be! It looks like this political season is getting heated. But it’s none of my business and I don’t know the specific details so I can’t really comment. It does sound rather interesting though. If this keeps up, we’ll start to look like Leech Lake! (Oh no he di’int!) So expect us in the papers a lot in the next few months. How is this getting out of hand? It’s going to be interesting. But Ms. Beaulieu did make a good point. More people didn’t vote for the Chairman than did. Who am I going to vote for, you ask? Hmmm… interesting question. It’s a toss up. I’m not being a coward, I just don’t know yet. I’m wondering if we can have the whole election over again. Start from scratch. Anyone else feel that way along with the sore loser from the Little Rock field? Fine! But I tell ya, I would have been an awesome leader. I would’ve shared every little detail of my journey, unedited (except for the foul language of course), word for word. But that ship has sailed.

One thing I was thinking about recently in regards to the run-off, and not knowing who I am going to vote for, I was thinking about the forum in Little Rock a few weeks back. I couldn’t help but think that Darrell Seki would have been a decent candidate for Chairman. His speech was from the heart, not thought out like the rest of ours. It was just one man speaking up for his people. Though it didn’t get a standing ovation like the one that did that seemed forced (and awkward), it was the best political speech I have ever heard. Maybe in 4 years he’ll make a run at it.

That’s lunch time, baby!

The Rules

2006-06-04T05:22:00.000-05:00

I know I've tried this before. I couldn't keep a story going for very long and blah blah blah. When I have the book part going, I'll start it out with the title of the chapter. If the chapter is broken up in a few parts (it usually happens because Blogger f's up), the title will be at the top with "continued." Or something like that. Maybe I won't even post it, who knows. Along with this, I'll be trying to write a script for my soon to be produced movie... okay, that was a lie. It's not a soon to be produced movie. I'll have a script just in case I can go that route. The main objective is to have this all done by June 30 due to "The Survivor" being too cheap to pay for Microsoft Word and using a 60-day free trial. Oh, man! Like Donkey Kong! (I'm still lame, baby!)

As for me still being awake at this ridiculous hour, it's inspiration I believe.

A Taste continued...

2006-06-04T05:18:00.000-05:00

Why only 23 votes? I’ve asked myself that question since May 17. Sure, there were 13 candidates in my field, but still. Was it because my family is fairly small compared to the other candidates’ families? I mean one of the candidates that qualified for the run-off didn’t even show up for the forums! Politics sucks in more ways than one like a, uh….never mind.

God damn that sucks!

So what else is on the slate for me? Red Lake Gaming: Tried it and not what I want. Little Rock District Rep: Tried it and not what they want. College: Kind of finished it. I’ll take my associate’s and the show I put on at graduation and run. I have that on tape, you know. They loved me that day. I had thousands in the crowd entertained. THOUSANDS!

Besides coaching and playing ball on Wednesday nights, this is what I can do. I write. Not well, but it’s something. I was meant to entertain with my creativity, I hope. After all has been said and done, this is where life has taken me.

This is for my wife and girls.

*I think I started a book! This was the preface... I think. I wrote and kept going and going and came up with almost 1,000 words. Holy shittoh! Wish me luck.

A Taste

2006-06-04T04:27:00.000-05:00

060406
0323 Hours

There is something in there. Trying to embrace a night’s sleep, I was caught not being able to sleep for the first time in weeks. I’m telling ya, there’s something at the tip of my brain waiting to explode and get me out of this rut. Maybe it’s inspiration. Maybe it’s my drive. Maybe it’s gas. Who knows, maybe this is the big turning point in my life. I look at all of the successful people in the world; Bill Gates, Mark Cuban, Howard Stern, Quentin Tarantino and whoever else is doing what they want with their lives and succeeding and I think to myself, “Why not me?” For the past few days it’s been like that. But what do I have that can get me there? If I look back at my academic career, the best grades I received were in my College Writing I and II, Intro to Audio, Sociology thru Film, Intro to Fiction Writing and Elementary Ojibwe I and II. Where does that leave me? Writing, I guess. Creativity is my ticket to getting out of here.

Good lord. I hope this doesn’t wear off.

Here we go!

What I love about life is how forgiving the world is. I’m guilty of being too generous by forgiving those that have wronged me, except one time. That one time is close to pushing me over the edge. What was done is unacceptable. How could it be? The most sacred of all things that heaven has blessed the world with should never experience such an incident. If anyone else were in my shoes… it’s hard to say. Well not really. Not everybody has the ability to think things through, especially around here. I think too far ahead. It keeps me out of trouble most of the time. But I’m a God fearing man, which kept me from feeding off of my emotions. That kept me from being a statistic. Face to face with that which put me in this spot… how long can I stay cool? You push a man far enough, he’s going to show some resistance.

My story begins April 28, 2006. I had a training session in Thief River Falls. Seven Clans employees were supposed to be trained by me in 3 different classes with 25 in each class throughout the day on the finer points of Title 31, or at least what I knew about it. 3 showed up for the first class. These training sessions were mandatory. To be in compliance with the governing body of Indian gaming, these were very important. The next 2 classes a total of 19 showed up. I did my training thing and I went back to the office in Red Lake around noon. I tried, man.

Back at the office, I sat at my computer stand (it didn’t deserve to be called a desk) and stared blankly at the computer screen, not at all interested in the day’s happenings on the World Wide Web. During that moment of reflection, in my mind Johnny Cash was singing “Rusty Cage” while I was typing up my resignation. After I picked it up at the printer, I decided to copy my middle finger on it. I flung it like a boomerang and walked out the door with the song still going. Is there a more perfect way to go out? I doubt it.

But reality set in and I asked my supervisor if he had a minute. I told him I’m ready to move on. He asked what I had in mind, meaning he thought I wanted out of his department. But really, as I explained to him, I was ready to get out of the gaming business. I told him that this was disheartening. I just didn’t feel anything. No accomplishment whatsoever. He told me to finish out the week and I thanked him for all he shared with me. By far one of the smartest men I have ever met.

I called my wife, she didn’t believe me. After a few seconds of disbelief, she understood. It was time for me to move on to different things. Among those things were a run at a political office. 6 weeks before, I decided to run for Little Rock District Representative. Yet again, one of my many “Why not me?” moments occurred on March 17. Really though, why not me? I’m educated, I’m young, I know “What up” with today’s world. I wanted to make clear that the next generation is ready to take responsibility for our nation.

But in the end, it wasn’t meant to be. Despite a successful forum in Minneapolis on my part, and one in the Little Rock community, the “Jonny R. Express” could only muster 23 votes. 23 motherf*****’ votes! But I was inspired by the amount of congratulations I received on my speeches.

Written by Lydell J. Roberts

2006-06-04T00:57:00.000-05:00

060406
0029 Hours

After doing this crap for around 18 months, this is my first ever post during the midnight hour. It feels weird, like some kind of chatting perv. Why am I online this late? Ah, yes. I remember. I received a drunk dial. And the winner is………………….actually this one doesn’t count because it’s my aunt that called and I’m not too sure if she’s under the influence, so she gets a free pass. But it’s still early though. Anyone else will get their number posted and a story on this blog. Operators are standing by. As for last weekend: nothing. Nobody wanted to answer my challenge, which is too bad.

As for other business, I am still a little bothered by what’s happening with my mom. Now I’m normally one who sees management’s side of business. Since it happened to her, I am a little more sympathetic to the employee’s side. For her, I looked up the policies and procedures and found that she was wronged. She did what she was supposed to do, but to my surprise, she was left to fend for herself to the “powers that be” with the help of only ONE representative. I mean the proof was there! She was humiliated and now frustrated. If it were your mother going through this, what would you do? Exactly. The reason I didn’t go up there with her was because this was so easy to understand. But sometimes the simple turn not so simple for some reason. So I am now stunned by our leaders. But we shall get through this. If this is considered disrespectful conduct towards our leaders, then so be it. We are not trying to be disrespectful in any way, just trying to do what is right. The rules have been written and there is no reason for them to be changed for the convenience of those running the show. So there!

Anyway, all of this has further pushed me to want to get away from the Red Lake Nation. I’ve been thinking about this for years. After 9/24/04, I’ve lost the faith. It’s made me want to take my kids as far away as possible so we wouldn’t have to hurt like we have due to the actions of our own people. But I gave it so many chances. Out of fear I suppose. A whole new life somewhere else for us is pretty scary. Can we survive? Will we get lonesome? Who knows; we won’t know until we try it. And that’s what we’re going to do next year. We’re gone.

Looking at our homeland now, it’s kind of scary. Most of our people are satisfied sitting around smoking weed and drinking as much as possible. When that loses its luster, experimenting with other, more potent drugs is the next step. What next after that? What would be left to do? I don’t want to know. I’m afraid to even think about it.

But anyway, I left my name to let everyone know who wrote this. What?!

It's On Now

2006-06-02T22:40:00.000-05:00

060206
2238 Hours

Another (no) work week has passed and the weekend is upon us once again. Honestly, it feels like I crashed that grad party a couple of days ago. Speaking of which, it was good to see my kindergarten buddy, Randy Benais, again after all these years.

Well, since it is the weekend, it’s time once again to get ready for the drunk dialers. Bring it on. The rules are the same; if you call late and wake a brotha up (or my kids… AGAIN), you will be called out. By that I mean your number will be posted on this very blog, I will call you back to see who the f*** you are and your name will be posted and I will share the story of our conversation, again, on this very blog. So I’ll be awaiting your call. Punk.

What else is happnin’ in this world wide “REZ” you ask? First of all, since I have nothing, I have nothing to lose and I am becoming a defender of those that have struggled with the “powers that be.” What was done to my mom wasn’t right. The proof was there to look at. To study, analyze, to just look over. An unjust demotion and drop in pay without documentation not only violates a worker’s rights, but also causes humiliation, stress, and loss of faith in those that are supposed to set an example and lead us. Mistreatment toward the tribal businesses most important assets, its employees, must be looked at before it’s too late. Just because we don’t sit in your circle doesn’t mean we should be treated with less respect. Curse this election season! Curse it to heck! This isn’t over. Who’s with me?!

(Breathe!)

Woo! That felt good. I’m no longer sitting on the sidelines. Though I wasn’t chosen to lead our people, I will stand up for what I believe in.

Can… you… dig it!!!

P.S. Whoever sent me the info anonymously on Bill Lawrence and wanting a contribution to the Bellecourt legal fund: What's up with that? I can think for myself AND do not contribute to legal funds that have nothing to do with yours truly. Thanks anyway!

Happy Doughnut Day!

2006-06-02T08:07:00.000-05:00

I hope you'll excuse me. I've been over-indulging on my retirement. Sleeping all day is awesome! I would also again like to recommend the midday nap. It does wonders for... uh, stuff. Yard work, cleaning the basement and garage, playing ball and coaching has been taking up most of my time when sleeping isn't involved. But today, I'm turning in another application for this whole new fad, it's called a job... or maybe it's pronounced yob, apparently you go to a place for a period of time and do stuff and you get paid for it. I'll check it out and see what all the fuss is about.

A thought for the day:

If I were elected to the tribal council a few weeks back, I would've banned all colognes/body sprays for men. I mean, come on! They weren't invented to COVER smells. Good lord!

Too bad, Red Lake. I would have been an awesome council member. But you want to stick to your old school leaders and ignore the whole new school generation. You're going to miss us when we're off doing something else in the future and RL Nation is hurting. Just remember I offered my services. (And no, I'm not bitter at all... okay, yeah I am.)

Peace out, FOJR!!!

30-1

2006-05-25T20:42:00.000-05:00

That was the score of our game last night. And it was us that actually scored 30! Just a well played game on our side. Fundementals all around. Good job, us! Woohoo!!! No links today, just bragging. But I think we should've saved some runs for the rest of the season. We'll see I guess.

Did anyone catch "Lost" last night? Or am I the only nerd who watches that? Probably.

These midday naps are awesome! I would recommend them to all.

Happy Graduation, Bubba, Mowgli, and Shorty!

I'm hungry.

"R." to "Blaze"

2006-05-24T10:53:00.000-05:00

http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/ghostrider/high.html

I think I'm going to change my last name to Blaze. How cool is that?

I'm Ready, I'm Ready, I'm Ready!

2006-05-24T10:19:00.000-05:00

After our first night of practice, the adult team is locked, stocked and ready to rock!!! Not really, but our season starts tonight. Only a few showed up last night, but we're hoping for a full squad tonight. Those that want to see magic happen with an awesome display of fundementals can do so at the Green Lake field in Redby this evening.

As for other crap, not much happening. Just waiting to put in more applications for upcoming openings. But I am going to be a lawyer type thing for my mom. She was treated unfairly and I'm going to put my education to use today by way of picking apart some policies and procedures and those that are supposed to go by them. You have been warned. Just kidding. That wasn't a warning, it was a fact.

With the holiday weekend approaching, I expect there to be many parties. Parties that I will have nothing to do with because today is officially my 11th month of sobriety. ELEVEN WHOLE MONTHS WITHOUT ONE SIP OF ALCOHOL!!! Is there some kind of reward for that, or what? Speaking of alcohol and the stupid acts done while under the influence, if you drunk dial me and I don't know or like you, I will post your number on here and other places. I will answer, track you down, and humiliate you. TRY ME! PLEASE?! So please, get a clue. NOBODY here wants to talk to YOU!

Did anybody dig my links the other day? Any of you 4 visitors? I know there is an easier, space reducing means for that, but I'm too lazy for that nerd computer stuff. I'll find more links after my stupid grass gets cut.

Have a super-duper-ooper glorious day, my fellow native americans and whoever stumbles upon this eye-sore of a sight. Rock and roll!

Job Search: Day Bezhig

2006-05-22T15:47:00.000-05:00

052206
1532 Hours

Fresh out of my first post-graduation job interview, I feel like I took a gun to a knife fight. Well, not really. The usual butterflies were there and stuff, so I’m not too sure how it went. But they asked why I would be the best candidate for the job, and I replied with maybe a tad too over-confident, “Because I’m awesome.” Nothing else came to mind. So there you have it. When in doubt, you can never go wrong with being awesome. I was just kidding by the way.

Up next is an application dealing with helping others with getting jobs. So we’ll see how that goes because there aren’t too many jobs that allow a bro to be online all day updating his blog. But one thing I did find was a site with some good music. It’s the Blink 182 guy with his new band, Angels & Airwaves http://www.myspace.com/angelsandairwaves. So check that out if you’re into the whole rock/alternative deal.

As for right now, I have a lawn that needs to be ignored for another day and that midday nap isn’t going to take itself.

Whoop-oop!

2006-05-22T09:05:00.000-05:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=iMPjTmOSOFA&search=fidel%20castro%20falling

Top O' The Morning

2006-05-22T08:57:00.000-05:00

I must say, "Superman Returns" is looking awesomer with every new trailer http://pdl.warnerbros.com/wbol/uk/movies/supermanreturns/superman_returns_tlrf3_qt_300.mov. Is "awesomer" a word? Well, it is now.

Did anyone watch "The Sopranos" last night? Well deserved whack, I must say. Speaking of he who got whacked, that reminds me of this commercial http://youtube.com/watch?v=KWZPfoUUxGQ&search=bud%20light%20commercial%20

Hate Me

2006-05-21T16:38:00.000-05:00

This song reminds me of myself because of all of the stuff I put my wife, kids, and mother through. But now I'm cured!!!

Update

2006-05-21T16:32:00.000-05:00

052106
1617 Hours

“Ears and noses will be the trophies of the day…” What’s that on then, anyone, anyone? Nobody?! Fine.

Anyway, for sure this time I’m going to be updating this blog regularly now that I’m retired from gaming and my political aspirations are now sleeping with the fishes. We will call this… actually; I don’t know what to call this yet. It will be like that Pop Candy site I linked to before, but for Red Lake. I will guide you to unfound treasures on the web. Or I’ll just shoot my mouth off about nothing in particular in order to entertain those at the office who have nothing to do like me when I was working.

“The working man is a sucker!” – Callogero Anello

To be honest, I actually love being “retired.” I sleep late if I want, watch every SportsCenter if I want to, Beverly Hills 90210, videos… pretty much just lounge all day. Now, only if there were a way to get paid for this. With God as my witness, I shall find a way to do this full-time and get paid doing it! It’s going to be tricky, but I shall find a way to make this possible.

This was just an update of upcoming deals. I gotta go. That TV isn’t gonna watch itself!

Happy Mother's Day

2006-05-14T11:19:00.000-05:00

With graduation behind me, (the story is at www.lydelljrobert06.blogspot.com) and Election Day this Wednesday, it's almost time for me to get back to regular adult living by finding a J-O-B. But I do have an interview on May 22. Yeah, the pay is a lot less than what I made at RLGE, which I feel I didn't earn or deserve, but it will involve working with the kids of Red Lake. The search will continue on Monday!

As for other news, did anyone catch SNL last night? There was a sketch with Al Gore and how he was the President in some alternate time or universe. Is it just me, or was anyone else wishing for the 2000 election to go his way even more? It felt like everything was going to be all right with the world again for a few minutes. They completed the effect with the Oval Office setting. How depressing is that?

I wish people would quit drunk dialing my phone. It's almost 4 in the morning! Nobody wants to talk to you! You're like a weird stalker! So it would be super-duper if you would call during regular hours. Did that make me sound like an old man? Well, I am 30, you know.

Yeah, I can say stuff like that because I've been sober for almost 11 months now. I can hardly believe it myself! It's starting to get sad with all of the drugs and alcohol around here. Once beautiful young people who were so full of potential and admirable are now struggling to keep a normal lifestyle. The dependency has crippled that potential of this "REZ." Because of this, I bet the age limit for Tribal Council candidates will be lowered to 21. To be honest, it would be a good idea. We have a lot of younger individuals who would be more than capable of doing the job of our current council. WHO'S WITH ME?!?!?!

With this enourmous amount of time off I've had, there are so many ideas I want to explore. What better time than now, aye? The stories I've heard over the years have to be known. They have to shared with a worldwide audience. So the first act of my "Kung-Fu-ness" (that meaning I will wander the land searching for whatever Kwai Chang Caine was looking for) is to get a movie going to share the stories with the world. You may laugh now, but wait until I'm at the Oscars getting nominated for Best Picture. Muuuhahahahahaha! I'll keep you posted on the journey.

So now I must do some research!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

I'm Here to Help

2006-05-10T14:11:00.000-05:00

Since I've declared myself an alternate to the slipping RLNN, I've come across... NOTHING! This is really a difficult task. But let's ramble about nothing in particular. Oh, and for you spam blogger cats who leave links to your inappropriate sites, just remember this site is for all ages. I encourage all ages to read this so just keep that in mind. If not, I will hunt you down and hurt you. Have a nice day!

But anyway, I know what it's like to sit in your desk all day when your tasks are done (or you're so clueless to what you're supposed to do that you don't dare ask for help) with nothing left to do. First of all, let me direct you to the source that got me into the bloggin bizz. It's on the USA Today site, and it's called Pop Candy http://blogs.usatoday.com/popcandy/. It has all kinds of links to interesting happenings on the web, like music, movies, TV, books, and crap like that. I was known to be checking that site often when I was "working."

Another is one that happens to be my favorite writer. But lately, he's been slipping and not giving us too much to read. Ladies and gentlemen... The Sports Guy Bill Simmons! http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/simmons/index I think his new league is going to take off like Randy Moss with :02 left in the last game of the season! Just kidding. I miss you 84. Do you miss us? That reminds me of the one of the greatest quotes of all time. I believe it was after the Green Bay game when he mooned the crowd. He was asked about how he's going to pay the fine and answered with, "Straight cash, homey. When you're rich, you don't write checks." Priceless. Reason #54,321 that I can't wait to be rich. Picture me at Judy's in Redby when they ask how I'll be paying. I'll tilt my head down, look at the cashier with a little smirk and say, "Straight cash, homey. When you're rich, you don't write checks." I can't wait!

As for now, I'll search for more sites to recommend for your viewing pleasure while you're hard at "work." You can thank me later, bro.

#150!!!

2006-05-10T11:02:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it's the 150th post on the people's blog. Oh the memories, aye? Remember that one time I talked about that one thing? I was just crazy, eh? Well, maybe I wasn't as funny as I thought was or still am. Good times.

Well, since www.rlnn.com isn't updated as much as it used to be, I shall step up to the challenge and deliver views, some news, stories, or anything else that I can think of that can be helpful to the Red Lake community, because that's who I care about. I love each and every one of you. I love you (points with lips), you (points), you're a'ight, and... but not you (points with lips).

So... what up in today's world?

Who went to the forum last night in Little Rock? I did. Well, I was one of the speakers, so I was there... and if I had bells, I would've worn them to complete the effect of me being happy to be there. Of course I was about 10 minutes late. (No matter how early I try to get ready for anything, having a wife and 3 girls, I will never be on time for anything. They see to it. GOOD LORD!!!) But I did get most of Chairman Jourdain's speech and dug it. Later on though, he laid the smack down on his non-believers who refer to him as the "Drug Chairman." He was very thorough in explaining to those in attendance how the task force business went down. Well done, sir. Well done.

Now that I think about what went down last night, it would take up so much room to get it all in and BLOGGER always f***s up my huge blogs, I would not do justice to all candidates that showed up last night by summarizing what they said in a short sentence. But I must say that the best speech of the night, excluding my own of course due to my ability to try and be objective, had to go to Treasurer Seki. Touching on the topics of the lake, money, and programs... it was very inspiring. Gold star goes to you, Mr. Seki.

And guess who was the last speaker of the night? THE MAIN EVENT? THE SHOWSTOPPER? Yeah, it was me and yes I watched too much wrestling during my impressionable years. As I said in my political blog, I was a nervous wreck. I mean, how was I supposed to follow all (some) of those great speeches? It seemed like I would have said the same thing as others, but, as in my own personal policy on words, they were all my own. From the bottom of my chubby heart, to the top of my head, and onto the keyboard. I wrote what I felt in that speech. Somebody had to say it, might as well be me! No, I haven't really discussed the issues in what I've said. The issues are going to be there regardless. My family wasn't there to support me because of the "Baby Boy" status I've grown up with I assume. They didn't want to see me in such a stressful situation. But, I'm a grown-ass man. Educated in many fields of higher education. So many, that to this day, I still don't know what I want to do. Mass Comm. is just something to get me to see other opportunities. I've considered being a teacher many times, and still am. I want to be a social worker. I want to be a writer. I want to entertain the masses with my writings if possible. Most of all I want to be a role model. But the thing that appealed to me recently was the tribal council. The opportunity to get up there presented itself, so I'm going for it.

Wait! Where did I quit being entertaining? TARTAR SAUCE! Now I have to start over.

Somebody Had to Say It!

2006-05-01T11:32:00.000-05:00

Greetings and salutations! Welcome to "The Van DOWN BY THE RIVER!" I see it's been many weeks since I've last posted on this site and let me apologize for the long delay. The usual suspects keep me from posting but I shall update more often since I am no longer employed. Yes, you read that right. I self terminated myself from my job to seek other ventures. As to what those other ventures include, I have no clue. I'm out there for the world to see or use. My mind is an open book. If you have any job opportunities, let a brotha know! Other than my run at a political office (www.lydelljroberts06.blogspot.com), I don't really have anything on the table right now. So without further a'do, let's get some topics rolling, shall we?

Being that all immigrants are taking the day off, does that mean nothing but Native Americans will be working, shopping, and going to school today? I mean, other than us, everybody is an immigrant. Am I wrong in assuming this? It's our world again!!! Just wondering. You gotta be specific sometimes, you know? If I've offended anyone... tough! Deal with it! It's my blog and I can say whatever I want! But I still love you.
Is this Moussaoui guy pulling the ultimate game of reverse psychology or what? How about we bring back the old witch burning thing? We can put him in a fire, if he burns and dies, we can just shrug it off with, "Oops, my bad!" Who's with me?! Okay, world news bores me.
If "Gray Hair Guy" doesn't win that Idol show, that' s going to suck.
When one retires from his everyday duties as a compliance specialist... then what? Because I gotta be honest with you, this is the longest I've been free to do anything besides go to class, work, go to practice, and sleep. Any ideas?
That investing in a horse and carriage, Chazz Ingalls style, is looking more and more realistic right about now. $2.85 a gallon?! Get the f*** outta here!
Elect Jonny R. in '06! I mean, if you want to. It's your decision after all. Whatever you feel is best for the RL Nation. Rock and roll!

Let's Hug It Out...

2006-04-14T16:27:00.000-05:00

A line from one of my new favorite TV characters, Ari Gold. I can't wait for "Entourage" to come back! Who's with me? That show always has me wondering who is going to be in my entourage. Would I have to go back to drinking to be cool? Nah. I would probably end up like Dave Chappelle. Step back before it gets out of hand. But that is so far fetched it's not even going to be an issue.

Or is it?

Before in my election blog (www.lydelljroberts06.blogspot.com), I mentioned how we have so many talented people in Red Lake. Singers, DJ's, actors, artists, writers, and comedians. We could turn Red Lake into the "Entertainment Capital of Indian Country." Why not? Who's with me?! I think that should be something that could be looked into. Since Hollywood refuses to acknowledge us, lets make our own way with our own money and talent. Just a thought for the 21st century. Talk amongst yourselves.

No Movie This Year...

2006-04-10T21:19:00.000-05:00

The deadline for submitting my movie for the BSU movie contest has come and gone. This year I won't be submitting one due to time, uninterest, and cameras that weren't in the best condition. So maybe next time.

As for other ventures, they're going. The campaigning is out there for the public (with internet access) to see. The coaching youth softball has started with mini-practices going on the past couple of days and will continue, as of right now, every evening starting at 6:00pm at the Red Lake ball fields. Kids who want to learn the game and have fun that are ages 8-13 are welcome. Speaking of which, I have a blog up for that purpose; www.lrwolfpack.blogspot.com if you want to know about team happenings. So check that out if you or someone you know is interested in joining our team.

Other things going on... nothing much. Just watched "24" and am continually amazed at how awesome that show is. I wish I could talk like Jack Bauer.

As for my life story... give me a minute. I must update the Wolfpack blog.